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Some People Say The Main Way To Be Happy Is To Have A Lot Of Money

Some People Say The Main Way To Be Happy Is To Have A Lot Of Money 855mx
Money cannot solve all problems but it may solve 99. 99% problems. Our world surrounds that piece of paper, Today, all are running behind that fortune to get the social status that billionaires are having. It’s the reason why disputes arise in families, friends. This topic is debatable with its own merits and demerits. On one hand, too much fortune is problem because of that eventually a person gets famous and lose its privacy. They cannot travel freely, they have to face paparazzies, and ultimately, they get frustrated and that effect there mental well-being. For example, Lionel Messi he has seven figures salary from his club but because of that he can’t separate his personal and professional life. What’s the meaning to earn such a cumbersome amount if you are not able to dedicate the time to your family. On stark of contrast, it’s the money only that pan out to give a luxurious lifestyle. If we elaborate the above example at least his family is living lavish lifestyle in form of materialistic but for some of individuals that’s only the goal of life. They buckle themselves to face all the consequences to earn and have that lifestyle. According to me, Money from a good source will always be beneficial to your health, prosperity, family. But earning money from the illegal way may lead to sabotage of your life. In conclusion, I would like to say that good source will always make you to follow right path but the money which you earned by hurting someone’s feeling will never be prosperous to that person.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Money
cannot solve all problems
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it may solve 99. 99% problems. Our world surrounds that piece of paper,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, all are running behind that fortune to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the social status that billionaires are having. It’s the reason why disputes arise in families, friends. This topic is debatable with its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
merits and demerits.

On one hand, too much fortune is problem
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of that
eventually
a person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
and lose its privacy. They cannot travel
freely
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face
Possible spelling mistake found.
paparazzies
, and
ultimately
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
frustrated and that effect there mental well-being.
For example
, Lionel Messi he has seven figures salary from his club
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of that he can’t separate his personal and professional life. What’s the meaning to earn such a cumbersome amount if you are not able to dedicate the time to your family.

On stark of contrast, it’s the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
that pan out to give a luxurious lifestyle. If we elaborate the above example at least his family is living lavish lifestyle in form of materialistic
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
for
After 'some of', you should use 'the' ("some of the individuals") or simply say "some individuals".
some of individuals
that’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the goal of life. They buckle themselves to face all the
The usual preposition to use after "consequences" is not "to". Did you mean "consequences of", "consequences for", or "consequences on"?
consequences to
earn and have that lifestyle.
This phrase can sound awkward in English. Consider using "in my opinion" or "I think".
According to me
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Money
from a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
source will always be beneficial to your health, prosperity, family.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
earning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
from the illegal way may lead to sabotage of your life.

In conclusion
, I would like to say that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
source will always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
you to follow right path
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
which you earned by hurting someone’s feeling will never be prosperous to that person.

IELTS essay Some People Say The Main Way To Be Happy Is To Have A Lot Of Money

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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