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Some people say that young people should be encouraged to leave home when they become adults while others claim it would be better to remain with their family. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people say that young people should be encouraged to leave home when they become adults while others claim it would be better to remain with their family. 0JRn
Family traditions vary from countries to countries, in some regions, it is common to see that young adults starts to live independently once they reach the age of 18 and parents from other nations prefer to keep their offspring for a longer time. I believe that living without parents during adulthood is a better solution for young citizens. To begin with, there is no doubt that sharing a house or an apartment with sharing a house or an apartment with parents brings multiple benefits to young generations, as well as families. For example, if young children can save the money from renting accommodation, they can spend this amount of wealth other meaningful things, such as attending tertiary education. Additionally, living with parent is advantageous to family relationship compared to people who live alone. This family members who can meet and talk with their parents on a daily basis have a stronger family connection. However, renting a place and living alone is a great opportunity for young people to gain responsibility and practical skills, as they have to be accountable for their rent, utility bills and other chores in their life. Therefore, they can become more sophisticated in their future life. Also, having their own space can help young people reach their potential, as most parents have strict roles in the family, such no loud music at night. In conclusion, it is true that being taken care by parents can reduce young adults financial burden and enhance their family bond. However, living alone can enable young people to become mature more quickly and allow them to do what they are really passionate about. Hence, I encourage young people to live without help from their family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Family
traditions vary from countries to countries, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
regions, it is common to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adults
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
independently
once they reach the age of 18 and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
from other nations prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their offspring for a longer time. I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
during adulthood is a better solution for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
citizens.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there is no doubt that sharing a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
or an apartment with sharing a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
or an apartment with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
brings multiple benefits to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generations,
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
.
For example
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
children can save the money from renting accommodation, they can spend this amount of wealth other meaningful things, such as attending tertiary education.
Additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
is advantageous to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
relationship compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
alone. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members who can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
and talk with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
on a daily basis have a stronger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
connection.

However
, renting a place and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
alone is a great opportunity for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to gain responsibility and practical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, as they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be accountable for their rent, utility bills and other chores in their life.
Therefore
, they can become more sophisticated in their future life.
Also
, having their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
space can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
reach their potential, as most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have strict roles in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, such no loud music at night.

In conclusion
, it is true that
being taken
care by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adults financial burden and enhance their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
bond.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
alone can enable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to become mature more
quickly
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to do what they are
really
passionate about.
Hence
, I encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
without
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
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IELTS essay Some people say that young people should be encouraged to leave home when they become adults while others claim it would be better to remain with their family.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
283 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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