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Some people say that students should live in dormitory but others claim that they choose where they want.Do you agree or disagree to this view?

Some people say that students should live in dormitory but others claim that they choose where they want. to this view? xPXY1
In the contemporary era, some people think that students should reside university's dormitory in order to providing student's safety, while popularly belive that, they should choose comfortable and cozy for them. I strongly disagree with this opinion, the reason is that university's dormitory has got different conveince and necessary things for our study. To commence with, at the current time in our country and other foreign country have got such kind of universities and dormitories for student. There it is very safety and comfortable for student's study. Moreover, at hostel always be indicated student's coming or leaving time. Addition to this, there is straight role for students. For instanse, they eat food same time every day and they wake up same time every day, they forbid out after certain time so, it is very suitable for student. Additionally, university's dormitory is cheaper rather than another accomadation. As a result, it helps students save money. Additionally, dormitory has got useful facilities such as many libraries internet and other beneficial things. On the other hand, students prefer to live another flat rather than dormitory, because they want to live independense. Moreover, if, they live other acommadation, they eat wished things and meals, they can go wanted places. Furthermore, they can meet with their family and friends they wanted time but dormitory do not allow with their family and relatives, so some of them choose another places in order to self - dependant. By way of conclusion, from my point of view, universitiy's dormitory is favorable and neat for students especially overseas students and their cost is cheaper than other apartment.
In the contemporary era,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should reside university's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dormitory
in order to
Did you mean "provide"?
providing
student's safety, while
popularly
Possible spelling mistake found.
belive
that, they should choose comfortable and cozy for them. I
strongly
disagree with this opinion, the reason is that university's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dormitory
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Possible spelling mistake found.
conveince
and necessary things for our study.

To commence with, at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in our country and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
foreign country have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
such kind of universities and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dormitories
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
. There it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
safety and comfortable for student's study.
Moreover
, at hostel always
be indicated
student's coming or leaving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. Addition to this, there is straight role for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. For
Possible spelling mistake found.
instanse
, they eat food same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
every
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
day and
they wake up same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
every day, they forbid out after certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
suitable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
.
Additionally
, university's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dormitory
is cheaper
rather
than another
Possible spelling mistake found.
accomadation
.
As a result
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
save money.
Additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dormitory
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
useful facilities such as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
libraries internet and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
beneficial things.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
another flat
rather
than
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dormitory
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
Possible spelling mistake found.
independense
.
Moreover
, if, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
Possible spelling mistake found.
acommadation
, they eat wished things and meals, they can go wanted places.
Furthermore
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
with their family and friends they wanted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dormitory
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
with their family and relatives,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them choose another places in order to self
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
Possible spelling mistake found.
dependant
.

By way of conclusion, from my point of view,
Possible spelling mistake found.
universitiy
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dormitory
is favorable and neat for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
especially
overseas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and their cost is cheaper than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
apartment.
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IELTS essay Some people say that students should live in dormitory but others claim that they choose where they want. to this view?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
268 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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