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Some people say that professional workers such as doctors,nurse and teachers who make greater contribution to society should be paid more than those who are in field of sports and entertainment.

Some people say that professional workers such as doctors, nurse and teachers who make greater contribution to society should be paid more than those who are in field of sports and entertainment. 7gg2
Modern era, people engaged in entertainment industry and sports are earning uncountable money. Their income and wage rate became a debatable issue because a number of people opine that profession such as doctors and teachers are putting more efforts for development and welfare of society so, government need to pay higher wages and perks to them. In following paragraphs I am going to put my views on this statement. firstly, doctors, nurse and teacher spent their quality of time and enormous amount of money for their academic and training. It is immense difficult for these individual to earn the bread and butter after investing a large amount of money and time. As results, these professions are denied by young students they do not want to choose these profession in coming years. Moreover, struggle for these profession is real. As other worker their studies are not finish with their degrees. They have to attend seminars, training programs that to keep them update. Furthermore, doctors are life saver and consider as second god in many nations whereas, teachers are builder of all other professions. In other words, these profession are indispensable part of every country. Future of nations rely on investment in these profession. Undoubtedly, if government spend more money to encourage these workers then country ‘s growth rate will improve. For instance in critical situation like corona country do not need to depend on other if they have strong healthcare system. Putting the conclusion into nutshell, I am totally agree with this statement that doctors, teacher and nurse should be paid more because they put more efforts for development of nation. Government should give them first priority otherwise young students do not want to choose these professions in future.
Modern era,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
engaged in entertainment industry and sports are earning uncountable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. Their income and wage rate became a debatable issue
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
a number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
opine that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profession
such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
are putting more efforts for development and welfare of society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
need to pay higher wages and perks to them. In following paragraphs I am going to put my views on this statement.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
, nurse and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
spent their quality of time and enormous amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for their academic and training. It is immense difficult for these individual to earn the bread and butter after investing a large amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and time. As results, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professions
are denied
by young students they do not want to choose these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profession
in coming years.
Moreover
, struggle for these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profession
is real.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
worker their studies are not finish with their degrees. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
attend seminars, training programs that to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them update.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
are life saver and consider as second god in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
nations whereas,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
are builder of all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professions
. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profession
are indispensable part of every country. Future of nations rely on investment in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profession
.
Undoubtedly
, if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to encourage these workers then country ‘s growth rate will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
.
For instance
in critical situation like corona country do not need to depend on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
if they have strong healthcare system.

Putting the conclusion into nutshell, I am
totally
Consider using a past participle here: "agreed".
agree
with this statement that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
and nurse should
be paid
more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they put more efforts for development of nation.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
should give them
first
priority
otherwise
young students do not want to choose these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professions
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
.
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IELTS essay Some people say that professional workers such as doctors, nurse and teachers who make greater contribution to society should be paid more than those who are in field of sports and entertainment.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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