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Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion

Many people believe that music can connect people from diverse cultures and generations together. I totally agree because people can feel closer through enjoying music and it is a medium that helps people understand each other better. I believe music is an excellent way to break down cultural barriers. This is because people from different cultures can enjoy listening to music together and through this fun shared experience they can feel closer. For instance, we had a cultural music festival at my school and we all had fun listening to music from each other’s cultures; and by enjoying this, bonds were strengthened between students from different nationalities. Moreover, we can learn about other cultures by listening to their music and by understanding other cultures better we can feel a closer connection with them. I also believe that music can reduce the social distance between different generations. When different generations listen to the same type of music they can have fun together and this can become a bonding experience. For example, when a family counts down the New Year and sings Auld Lang Syne together, it can be a great bonding experience and help to boost cohesion amongst the family. Moreover, when families spend quality time together they are likely to continue to do family activities more in the future and this leads to stronger bonds amongst the family. In conclusion, listening to music can lead to social cohesion between different cultures and age groups. This is because people will feel closer when they have fun together and also because they can have a greater understanding of their differences through these shared experiences. Therefore, I believe music should be used more as a way to break down barriers amongst different types of people.
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Many
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people
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believe
that
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music
can connect
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people
from diverse
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cultures
and generations together. I
totally
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agree
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because
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people
can
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feel
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closer
through enjoying
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
music and
it is a medium that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
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people
understand each
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other
better.

I
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believe
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music
is an excellent way to break down cultural barriers. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
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people
from
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different
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cultures
can enjoy listening to
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music
together and through this
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fun
shared
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experience
they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
closer
.
For instance
, we had a cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
festival at my
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
school and
we all had
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fun
listening to
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music
from each
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other’s
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cultures
; and by enjoying this, bonds
were strengthened
between students from
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different
nationalities.
Moreover
, we can learn about
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other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
by listening to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and by understanding
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other
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cultures
better we can
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feel
a
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closer
connection with them.

I
also
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believe
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can
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reduce
the social distance between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
generations. When
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different
generations listen to the same type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
they can have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fun
together and this can become a bonding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
.
For example
, when a
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family
counts down the New Year and sings
Possible spelling mistake found.
Auld
Lang
Possible spelling mistake found.
Syne
together, it can be a great bonding
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experience
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to boost cohesion amongst the
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family
.
Moreover
, when
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families
spend quality time together they are likely to continue to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
activities more in the future and this leads to stronger bonds amongst the family.

In conclusion
, listening to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can lead to social cohesion between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
and age groups. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
closer
when they have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fun
together and
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can have a greater understanding of their differences through these shared
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
.
Therefore
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
more
Comparison requires “than”, not ‘then’ nor ‘as’.
as
a way to break down barriers amongst
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
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IELTS essay Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together with this opinion

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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  • Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion