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Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. with this opinion YPAj
It is often believed that people of various cultures and age group tends to come closer due to music. I completely agree that it is an excellent method to increase closeness between people of distinct cultures and age groups. Firstly, we will talk about rhythm of a music, rhythm plays and important role in developing a common interest between different type of people. Mealody and beat of a music attracts people sharing common hearing habits, although they belongs to distinct cultures. For an instance, a music concert represented by a famous signer gather lot of people to enjoy the music despite of their cultures and ages. Consequently, rhythm do a great work in connecting people of diversified cultures. Secondly, it helps in building long-lasting friendship as people tends to generate unforgettable memories while hearing music together. Functions like birthday parties, marriage, farewell, etc. are incomplete without music. When music is played during celebration, people of various age groups are seen dancing and creating memories for future. Music binds people together as people connect with each other either being emotional or happiness due to the type of music. Consequently, music helps to create ever lasting relations and bringing good memories in account which were created in the past. In conclusion, I strongly believe that music is a great invention by musicians which is played at almost every occasion and help to gather people of diversified cultures and different age groups at one place. I can't imagine a world or place without the existence of music.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
believed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
group tends to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
closer due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that it is an excellent method to increase closeness between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of distinct
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
groups.

Firstly
, we will talk about rhythm of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, rhythm plays and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in developing a common interest between
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Mealody
and beat of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
attracts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
sharing common hearing habits, although they
The pronoun 'they' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "belong"
belongs
to distinct
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
. For an instance, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
concert represented by a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
signer gather lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to enjoy the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
Did you mean "despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
despite of
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
.
Consequently
, rhythm do a great work in connecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of diversified cultures.

Secondly
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in building long-lasting friendship as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
tends
to generate unforgettable memories while hearing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
together. Functions like birthday parties, marriage, farewell, etc. are incomplete without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is played
during celebration,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
groups are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
dancing and creating memories for future.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
binds
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
together as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
connect with each other either being emotional or happiness due to the type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to create ever lasting relations and bringing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
memories in account which
were created
in the past.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is a great invention by musicians which
is played
at almost every occasion and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to gather
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of diversified
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
groups at one place. I can't imagine a world or place without the existence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
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IELTS essay Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. with this opinion

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
254 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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