Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different culture and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different culture and ages together. o0dg
In this modern era, music play a crucial role in every person life. A number of individual assert that music is the best way of decreasing discrimination about various culture and ages. I agreed with this statement on the contrary there are a number of adverse aspects that I have discussed in the subsequent paragraphs. To commence with, there are myriad of reasons how music bringing people together. First, music is the best source of entertainment. As, sometimes people broke their hectic schedule that time they prefer to listen music to rejuvenate their mind Therefore, individual go to the concerts with their family members friends as well than ultimately their family bonding increase. To exemplify, in a leading newspaper it was mentioned that 80% of individual think that music is the best way to reduce stress and it is maintained family bonds. Furthermore, music is best to way to merge two countries. As, people listen music in other countries due to National Anthem. Individual go to other countries than definitely music bringing of various culture. However, there are a number of adverse point like if people go to other country to attend music concert than ultimately their own countries do not developed due to the fact they always prefer to listen music in other countries. Consequently, people own countries faced a plethora of difficulties and in future that countries do not developed. To illustrate, in a survey it was mentioned that 60% of countries faced numerous difficulties due to Brain drain. To recapitulate, it can be deduced that although music play detrimental effect on countries on the contrary I personally believe that music is the best source of entertainment to relax mind.
In this modern era,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
play a crucial role in every person life. A number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
assert that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
way of decreasing discrimination about various culture and ages. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
with this statement
on the contrary
there are a number of adverse aspects that I have discussed in the subsequent paragraphs.

To commence with, there are myriad of reasons how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
bringing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
together.
First
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
source of entertainment. As,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
broke their hectic schedule that time they prefer to listen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
to rejuvenate their mind
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
go to the concerts with their family members friends
as well
than
ultimately
their family bonding increase. To exemplify, in a leading newspaper it
was mentioned
that 80% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and it
is maintained
family bonds.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
to way to merge two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
listen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
due to National Anthem.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Individual
go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
than definitely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
bringing of various culture.
However
, there are a number of adverse point like if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to attend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
concert than
ultimately
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
do not developed due to the fact they always prefer to listen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
faced a plethora of difficulties and in future that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
do not developed. To illustrate, in a survey it
was mentioned
that 60% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
faced numerous difficulties due to Brain drain.

To recapitulate, it can
be deduced
that although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
play detrimental effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
on the contrary
I
personally
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
source of entertainment to relax mind.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different culture and ages together.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts