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SOME PEOPLE SAY THAT MUSIC, ART AND DRAMA ARE MORE IMPORTANT AS OTHER SCHOOL SUBJECTS, ESPECIALLY AT PRIMARY LEVEL. DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE? v.1

SOME PEOPLE SAY THAT MUSIC, ART AND DRAMA ARE MORE IMPORTANT AS OTHER SCHOOL SUBJECTS, ESPECIALLY AT PRIMARY LEVEL. v. 1
It is argued that the importance of children studying non-academic subjects at primary schools is no less than studying other academic ones. In my opinion, I agree that introducing music, art and drama is of great benefit for primary school pupils as studying such subjects would make students complain less about going to school and it would prepare some for their future careers. A good reason for teaching non-academic subjects at the primary level is that they would encourage children to go to school willingly without fighting or causing any morning problems for their parents. This is because many young students find it remarkably exciting to study fun subjects like music and art which would allow them to express their thoughts and feelings non-verbally and, consequently, this would help them excel in their studies. Another reason for introducing non-academic subjects at this early level is that studying such subjects would help some young students decide what careers to pursue later in life. In other words, students who are interested in music or art get great professional help at school and learn all the skills needed to turn their hobbies into real future careers. For example, Basam Kusa and Basil Khayat are famous Syrian actors who decided to pursue acting as a career when they were kids because they used to study drama twice a week at school; therefore, this helped them discover their real passion. In conclusion, taking both academic and non-academic subjects is equally beneficial for primary school students, especially considering that having non-academic ones would motivate them to go to school happily and help some of them develop their future careers.
It
is argued
that the importance of children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
non-academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
is no less than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
other academic ones. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that introducing music, art and drama is of great benefit for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
pupils as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
complain less about going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and it would prepare
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
for their future careers.

A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
reason for teaching non-academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
level is that they would encourage children to go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
willingly
without fighting or causing any morning problems for their parents. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
find it
remarkably
exciting to study fun
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
like music and art which would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to express their thoughts and feelings non-
verbally
and,
consequently
, this would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them excel in their studies.

Another reason for introducing non-academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
at this early level is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
decide what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
careers
to pursue later in life.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who
are interested
in music or art
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
great professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and learn all the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
needed to turn their hobbies into real future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
careers
.
For example
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Basam
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kusa
and Basil
Possible spelling mistake found.
Khayat
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
Syrian actors who decided to pursue acting as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
when they were kids
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to study drama twice a week at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
;
therefore
, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
them discover their real passion.

In conclusion
, taking both academic and non-academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
is
equally
beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
,
especially
considering that having non-academic ones would motivate them to go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
happily
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them develop their future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
careers
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
36Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay SOME PEOPLE SAY THAT MUSIC, ART AND DRAMA ARE MORE IMPORTANT AS OTHER SCHOOL SUBJECTS, ESPECIALLY AT PRIMARY LEVEL. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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