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Some People Say That Advertising Is Extremely Successful At Persuading Us To Buy Things | Band 8 IELTS Essay Sample

As our world is increasingly more modern, the way people advert their product is becoming more creative than ever. Our society still considered it as an essential part of their lives, since it brings considerable amount of profit. On the contrary, another thought has been raised, saying that it is no longer neccesary, because it is an old-fashioned method and nobody would ever take a look at it. Firstly, in a vast-changing world, modern people tend to find out reliable informations, that can convince them to make purchase of a product. And in this case, advert is really efficient due to the fact that it can be publicized through various types such as magazines ad, TV commercials, newspapers ad. For instance, magazines ad has often eye-catching designs, so that it attracts number of people to spend their money on its products. Moreover, TV commercial has become an indispensable part of everyone's lives and they often commercialize their product during peak viewing time, so it would have large target of market. Consequently, advert is more practical and people have many options to find out from which type of advert do they want to get the details of products. Secondly, if advertising couldn't draw people's attention, it is simply because it has failed to make their product as interesting as possible for the the customers and not because it is too prevalent. For example, plenty of advertising can be vividly seen on social media and people is still interested in knowing the details of the things that they see from advertising. Consequently, people woudln't ignore a commercial if it could answer their curiousity or catch their focus on. To conclude, advertising has definitely more benefits rather than some drawbacks, so it is reasonable to see advertising has become so acceptable for many people.
As our world is
increasingly
more modern, the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
advert their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
is becoming more creative than ever. Our society
still
considered it as an essential part of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, since it brings considerable amount of profit.
On the contrary
, another
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
has
been raised
, saying that it is no longer
Possible spelling mistake found.
neccesary
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
-fashioned method and nobody would ever take a look at it.

Firstly
, in a vast-changing world, modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to find out reliable
The word 'informations' is a legal term. In standard English, the word 'information' is a non-count noun. Did you mean "information"?
informations
, that can convince them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
. And
in this case
, advert is
really
efficient due to the fact that it can
be publicized
through various types such as magazines ad, TV commercials, newspapers ad.
For instance
, magazines ad has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
eye-catching designs,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that it attracts number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to spend their money on its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
Moreover
, TV commercial has become an indispensable part of everyone's
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
lives and
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
commercialize their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
during peak viewing time,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it would have large target of market.
Consequently
, advert is more practical and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
options to find out from which type of advert do they want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
of products.

Secondly
, if advertising couldn't draw
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's attention, it is
simply
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it has failed to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
as interesting as possible for
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "the" or "the" is left.
the the
customers and not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is too prevalent.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of advertising can be
vividly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
on social media and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
still
interested in knowing the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
of the things that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
from advertising.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Possible spelling mistake found.
woudln
't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
a commercial if it could answer their
Possible spelling mistake found.
curiousity
or catch their focus on.

To conclude
, advertising has definitely more benefits
rather
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is reasonable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
advertising has become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
acceptable for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
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IELTS essay Some People Say That Advertising Is Extremely Successful At Persuading Us To Buy Things | Band 8 IELTS Essay Sample

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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