Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people say people who make money are more succesful, others think people who contribute to society like teachers and scientists are the most successful

Some people say people who make money are more succesful, others think people who contribute to society like teachers and scientists are the most successful AJba1
People have different views about whi is the most successful. While some people think people who contribute to society are more successful, I believe that rich people are the most fortunate. On the one hand, there are many scientisrs and teachers in every country. They always teach different pupils. I think teachers are successful. Because, they teach lots of pupil. Students which are studied by them will be public figure, well-known or rich people. Then teachers will be proud of their students. Teachers are type of person who contribute to society a lot may be always by their knowledge. In additionally, every technical instruments were created by especially scientists. We always need different daily technologies such as phone, TV, microwave oven and others. Scientist contribute not to only society, but also science. Their innovations are always valued and used. On the other hand, many people who have a lot of money can be listed. Rich people have lots of opportunities. They do what they want. But, people who are rich usually have bunch of company and factories. It is not secret that every work places need workers. But workers are usually poor and not educated. So rich people employ them and by this way they help to earn much money. Secondly, it is true that scientist needs materials in order to make something new. Materials always cost money and even they are expensive. Also, rich people help them to create various objects. We can say that rich people are the most successful people. In conclusion, although, some people say that people who contribute to society by science are more fortune, I think rich people have more success.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views about
Possible spelling mistake found.
whi
is the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
contribute
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
are more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are the most fortunate.

On the one hand, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possible spelling mistake found.
scientisrs
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
in every country. They always teach
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
pupils. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
, they teach
Possible agreement error. The noun pupil seems to be countable; consider using: "lots of pupils".
lots of pupil
. Students which
are studied
by them will be public figure, well-known or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Then
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
will be proud of their students.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Teachers
are type of person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
contribute
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
may be always by their knowledge. In
additionally
, every technical instruments
were created
by
especially
scientists. We always need
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
daily technologies such as phone, TV, microwave oven
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
. Scientist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
contribute
not to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
science. Their innovations are always valued and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of money can
be listed
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lots
of opportunities. They do what they want.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
The adverb 'usually' is usually put between 'have' and 'bunch'.
usually have bunch
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
and factories. It is not secret that every work places need workers.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
workers are
usually
poor and not educated.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
employ them and by this way they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to earn much money.
Secondly
, it is true that scientist needs materials in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
something new. Materials always cost money and even they are expensive.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to create various objects. We can say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In conclusion
, although,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
contribute
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
by science are more fortune, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have more success.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay Some people say people who make money are more succesful, others think people who contribute to society like teachers and scientists are the most successful

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
277 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts