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Some people say now there is less communication between family members than in the past. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people say now there is less communication between family members than in the past. 3Nq5
Family is the most important relation in the universe and between the people. But, recently things have changed. The communication among the members of a family was slightly decreased due many aspects. Such as, technology and social media or the gap between the parents and their children. I agree that there is a huge problem about this, and collective actors should take a move about it. As we said in the introduction, the first thing that's increasing the dissimilarity inside the house is the technology. For example, technology has played a massive role in this topic. With the help of technology and last innovation in the last decades, the children, teen-agers and the guardians have taken much of time with the technology tools. For instance, according to several statistics, in the medium, the individual spends more than five hours per day using the smartphones. Furthermore, the social media makes the individual more angry due the things that he/she watched, and that's without any doubt, returning with a very bad way to his/her relations, either inside or outside the house. In the other hand, the disharmony amongst the guardians and their children boosts too much this phenomenon. For example, the old generation have a completely different ideas in contrast to the current generation. That's comes from many aspects. As a model, the different system of education has played an important role beside the traditions. The existing generation has revolted to the rules and traditions that was made by the oldest. In a Result, that's starting a conflict between these two. In last, as we said above, the family is the essential relation amongst the humankind, and the communication is the core to keep this relation exist. In my opt, I totally agree there is a generation gap at this moment. Hence, The government as well as the collective actors and the society should create a bridge for communication to help reduce this problem
Family is the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relation
in the universe and between the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, recently things have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
. The communication among the members of a family was
slightly
decreased due
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aspects. Such as,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and social media or the gap between the parents and their children. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that there is a huge problem about this, and collective actors should take a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
about it.

As we said in the introduction, the
first
thing that's increasing the dissimilarity inside the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has played a massive role in this topic. With the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and last innovation in the last decades, the children,
Possible spelling mistake found.
teen-agers
and the guardians have taken much of time with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
tools.
For instance
, according to several statistics, in the medium, the individual spends more than five hours per day using the smartphones.
Furthermore
, the social media
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the individual more angry due the things that he/she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
, and that's without any doubt, returning with a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
way to his/her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relations
, either inside or outside the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
.

In the other hand, the disharmony
Do not mix variants of the same word ('amongst' and 'among') within a single text.
amongst
the guardians and their children boosts too much this phenomenon.
For example
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
generation have a completely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
in contrast
to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
generation. That's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aspects. As a model, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
system of education has played an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role beside the traditions. The existing generation has revolted to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and traditions that
was made
by the oldest. In a Result, that's starting a conflict between these two.

In last, as we said above, the family is the essential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relation
Do not mix variants of the same word ('amongst' and 'among') within a single text.
amongst
the humankind, and the communication is the core to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relation
exist.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
my opt, I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
there is a generation gap at this moment.
Hence
, The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
as well
as the collective actors and the society should create a bridge for communication to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
this problem
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IELTS essay Some people say now there is less communication between family members than in the past.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
321 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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