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In some countries, there are fewer young people who listen to or play classical music these days. Why is this? Should young people be encouraged to play or perform classical music?

In some countries, there are fewer young people who listen to or play classical music these days. Why is this? Should young people be encouraged to play or perform classical music? knQN
Music in general it's something spiritual, it's may get you out of this world to the world of the tunes and magic. In the recent years, the new generation as whole have favoured more the other types of music (the modern music) such as pop, rock, house, etc. Despite the past generation who focused more on the classical music, there is a lot of things that lead this (thing) to be much more wider such as the technology and globalization who play the big role on this subject. Beside that, there is a voice who insist the youngers to play the classical music though it is something from our culture and we shouldn't leave it disappear. And the other voices who speak about the independency of choices. In the one hand, like we said above, the technology and globalization playing the big role in this subject. Firstly, with the technology the youngers found all the tools to play and listen to all the types of music. That give them several choices and give them all freedom to choose whatever they like. For example, smartphones make everything in hand for the teenagers. Now they can explore every single singer in this planet. So they have a wide choices. Secondly, we can't deny the role of globalization on this topic. The globalization makes the world as a small village. In this case, people from Australia have the opportunity now to discover and listen to the African music just by a click on the mouse. Furthermore, the globalization give another chance to the youngest talented to spread their talents among the globe and create a new type of music and make it cosmopolitan. In the other hand, in the last ten years, some voices from different corner of the world have started to urged and encouraged the youngest to play and listen to classical music. Furthermore, they succed to attract few of them, but the majority doesn't give any interest about it. Moreover, among this tugging between the voice which encouraged the youngers to listen to the classic music and the voice who believe in the freedom of choice, the teen-agers found themselves in the middle of the storm. In a result, that doesn't help them at all, it's clearly not helpful. In last, we can't deny the artistic and beauty of the classical music and how the earlier singers made a wonderful job in it. But that doesn't give the right to the others to judge and push the youngers to play ot listen to something didn't like. Everyone has his own choice and this is why, we humankind are different from other creatures.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
in general
Did you mean "its" (possessive pronoun) instead of 'it's' (=it is)?
it's
something spiritual, it's may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
you out of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
of the tunes and magic. In the recent years, the new generation as whole have
Possible spelling mistake. 'favoured' is British English.
favoured
more the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
(the modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music)
such as pop, rock,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
, etc. Despite the past generation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
focused more on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
things that lead this (thing) to be much
Use only "wider" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more wider
such as the technology and globalization
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
role on this subject. Beside that, there is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
voice
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
insist the
Possible spelling mistake found.
youngers
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
though it is something from our
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
culture and
we shouldn't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
it disappear. And the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
voices
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
speak about the
Possible spelling mistake found.
independency
of choices.

In the one hand, like we said above, the technology and globalization playing the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
role in this subject.
Firstly
, with the technology the
Possible spelling mistake found.
youngers
found all the tools to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
listen
to all the types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. That
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
them several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
them all freedom to choose whatever they like.
For example
, smartphones
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
everything in hand for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
they can explore every single singer in this planet.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
they have a wide
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "choice"?
choices
.
Secondly
, we can't deny the role of globalization on this topic. The globalization
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
as a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
village.
In this case
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from Australia have the opportunity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
to discover and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
listen
to the African
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
by a click on the mouse.
Furthermore
, the globalization
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
another chance to the youngest talented to spread their talents among the globe and create a new type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it cosmopolitan.

In the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, in the last ten years,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
voices
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
corner of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to urged and encouraged the youngest to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
listen
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
Furthermore
, they
Possible spelling mistake found.
succed
to attract few of them,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the majority doesn't
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
any interest about it.
Moreover
, among this tugging between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
voice
which encouraged the
Possible spelling mistake found.
youngers
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
listen
to the classic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
voice
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
believe in the freedom of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choice
, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
teen-agers
found themselves in the middle of the storm. In a result, that doesn't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them at all, it's
clearly
not helpful.

In last, we can't deny the artistic and beauty of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and how the earlier singers made a wonderful job in it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
that doesn't
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
the right to the others to judge and push the
Possible spelling mistake found.
youngers
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
Possible spelling mistake found.
ot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
listen
to something didn't like. Everyone has his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choice
and this is why,
Do not use a noun immediately after the pronoun 'we'. Use a verb or an adverb, or possibly some other part of speech.
we humankind
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
creatures.
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IELTS essay In some countries, there are fewer young people who listen to or play classical music these days. Why is this? Should young people be encouraged to play or perform classical music?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
442 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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