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Some people sat thet music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together

Some people sat thet music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together 1MpM
Most people believe that music can bring people of different categories  together. I agree with this opinion. One of the reasons music excretes the hurdles among different nations and cultures, age groups is that people enjoy music from every part of the world. And it speaks the same language, which represents human emotion, joy, love and sorrow. Music does not need explanation  to be enjoyed and understood as it touches our heart. No matter what language we speak or understand, we appreciate the melody and depth of music which is why people of all ages can sit together and enjoy the same music.     Moreover, nations influence each other with the type of music they produce and the type of musical instruments they use. This combination  reduces cultural differences and brings people from different cultures and ages to a common platform. For example, many music genres, that we enjoy these days, were derived from multiple nations and cultures and people from all these cultures enjoy and love them. Music is an art form which is enjoyed by all, and this helps reduce the generation and age gaps among people. For example, when the national anthem is played, child, adults and elders all tune to the same emotion, which is patriotism, and their unity is stronger than ever. The same can be said when music evokes other emotions like love, sadness and so on. In my opinion, music has  a great influence on our minds. And it can connect people who has different ages, cultures and nationalities. .
Most
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people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
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different
categories
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
together. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this opinion.

One of the
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "reasons'" or "reason's"?
reasons
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music
excretes the hurdles among
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different
nations and
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cultures
,
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age
groups is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
from every part of the world. And it speaks the same language, which represents human emotion, joy,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and sorrow.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
does not need explanation
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
to
be enjoyed
and understood as it touches our heart. No matter what language we speak or understand, we appreciate the melody and depth of
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music
which is why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
can sit together and
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enjoy
the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
   
Moreover
, nations influence each other with the type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
they produce and the type of musical instruments they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
. This combination
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
cultural differences and brings
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people
from
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different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
and
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ages
to a common platform.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
genres, that we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoy
these days,
were derived
from multiple nations and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
and
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people
from all these
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cultures
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enjoy
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
them.

Music is an art form which
is enjoyed
by all, and this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the generation and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
gaps among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For example
, when the national anthem
is played
, child, adults and elders all tune to the same emotion, which is patriotism, and their unity is stronger than ever. The same can
be said
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
evokes other emotions like
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
, sadness and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.

In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
has
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
a great influence on our minds. And it can connect
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people
who
Did you mean "have", "haven"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'people' should be used.
has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
and nationalities.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
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IELTS essay Some people sat thet music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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