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Some People Prefer To Eat At Food Stands Or Restaurants Other People Prefer To Prepare And Eat Food At Home Which Do You Prefer Use Specific Reasons And Examples To Support Your Answer v.1

Some People Prefer To Eat At Food Stands Or Restaurants Other People Prefer To Prepare And Eat Food At Home Which Do You Prefer Use Specific Reasons And Examples To Support Your Answer v. 1
There is no doubt the workforce of a country is one of the key supporter of economic growth. There is an opinion among people that fixed retirement age for all workforce, irrespective of their job is not good, and they believe some worker need to retire and rewarded at a certain age, which I strongly endorse. First and foremost, there are some occupation which requires physical work from the labours which leaves one's muscles to fatigue soon than any other kind of jobs. This is because manual work depends on the human body use of hands and legs and vice versa differ from job to job. A good illustration of this is a machine operator in any factory and a truck driver in the logistics field, the operator needs to handle every metals daily, whereas, a driver need to sit consciously and drive the truck for miles. Finally, this kind of jobs, maybe not bad for physical health right now but day by day there muscles stress more and eventually make them sick. Besides, workers' mental health also getting worse in fewer jobs, whether they are the CEO or manager, for stress it does not matter. This kind of supervisor job role required lots of mental ability to solve complex issues in their organisation, in fact, the key role of managers are critical thinking and problem solving which takes lots of brain work and finally it's stressed out. For example, a study of Indian labours force health and hygiene conducted by all Indian employees' welfare association found that 70 percentage of managers are working under huge stress and they claimed that this will lead to disruption of the Indian economic growth. In conclusion, I believe employees working under physical labour jobs and mental stressful jobs must be given early retirement with appropriate rewards which they own.
There is no doubt the workforce of a country is one of the key supporter of economic growth. There is an opinion among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
retirement age for all workforce, irrespective of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
, and they believe
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
worker need to retire and rewarded at a certain age, which I
strongly
endorse.

First
and foremost, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
occupation which requires physical work from the
Possible spelling mistake. 'labours' is British English.
labours
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
one's muscles to fatigue
Use "sooner" to make a comparison with this adjective.
soon
than any other kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
manual work depends on the human body
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of hands and legs and vice versa differ from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
illustration of this is a machine operator in any factory and a truck driver in the logistics field, the operator needs to handle every metals daily, whereas, a driver need to sit
consciously
and drive the truck for miles.
Finally
, this kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
, maybe not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
for physical health right
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
day by day there muscles
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
more and
eventually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them sick.

Besides
, workers' mental health
also
getting worse in fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
, whether they are the CEO or manager, for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
it does not matter. This kind of supervisor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
role required lots of mental ability to solve complex issues in their
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
, in fact, the key role of managers
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "is"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'are' is not always incorrect.)
are
critical thinking and problem solving which takes lots of brain work and
finally
it's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
out.
For example
, a study of Indian
Possible spelling mistake. 'labours' is British English.
labours
force health and hygiene conducted by all Indian employees' welfare association found that 70 percentage of managers are working under huge
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
stress and
they claimed that this will lead to disruption of the Indian economic growth.

In conclusion
, I believe employees working under physical
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
and mental stressful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
early retirement with appropriate rewards which they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Speak a new language so that the world will be a new world.
Rumi

IELTS essay Some People Prefer To Eat At Food Stands Or Restaurants Other People Prefer To Prepare And Eat Food At Home Which Do You Prefer Use Specific Reasons And Examples To Support Your Answer v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
306 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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