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Some people prefer hobbies that require technology, whereas others prefer hobbies that do not require technology. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Nowadays, some hobbies require electronic devices to enjoy their leisure time. For example, group of teenagers uses technology in the enjoyment of their interests and hobbies such as online chatting, playing video games and so on. Whereas, the other group of teenagers prefer those hobbies without technology such as face to face meeting, playing physical games and travelling. First of all, in the current world today, technology has left a great impact on people especially children and teenagers. Many changes occurred in their hobbies and interests. Nowadays, people like chatting with their dear ones and friends virtually by using several social medias such as Instagram, Snapchat, WhatsApp and so on. They also do online video calling with their friends and loved ones instead of meeting them face to face. As a result, people usually save their time through this technology method and become multi-tasking. On the opposite side, various people enjoy some hobbies without the use of technologies like jogging, cycling, exercising and so on. They think that these tasks will help them to be fit and healthy. It will help the individuals to avoid the worst effect of the electronic devices, obesity, eyesight and so on. Therefore, these types of hobbies will improve one’s writing, communication skills, reading, speaking, listening and broaden the knowledge. To sum up with, people have different perspectives about hobbies. In my opinion, individuals should only enjoy those hobbies which requires the minimum use of technology and more physical workout.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
require electronic devices to enjoy their leisure time.
For example
, group of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
in the enjoyment of their interests and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
such as online chatting, playing video games and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. Whereas, the other group of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
prefer those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
face
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
face
meeting, playing physical games and travelling.

First
of all, in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
a great impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
especially
children and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
occurred in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
and interests. Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like chatting with their dear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
and friends
virtually
by using several social medias such as Instagram, Snapchat, WhatsApp and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. They
also
do online video calling with their friends and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
instead
of meeting them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
face
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
face
.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
usually
save their time through this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
method and become multi-tasking.

On the opposite side, various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
enjoy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
without the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
like jogging, cycling, exercising and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that these tasks will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to
be fit
and healthy. It will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the individuals to avoid the worst effect of the electronic devices, obesity, eyesight and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Therefore
, these types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
one’s writing, communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, reading, speaking, listening and broaden the knowledge.

To sum up with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
perspectives about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
. In my opinion, individuals should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
enjoy those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
which requires the minimum
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and more physical workout.
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IELTS essay Some people prefer hobbies that require technology, whereas others prefer hobbies that do not require technology.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
245 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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