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Some people like to work in company which offer high salaries, other prefer working in a company which offer good working atmosphere. What do you think. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people like to work in company which offer high salaries, other prefer working in a company which offer good working atmosphere. What do you think. yX75P
Employees spend considerable time in office, therefore workplace essentially plays an important role in one's life. While some strive to work in a company that offers higher wages, others prefer amicable work environmental. I certainly agree that workplace atmosphere is of vital importance and this essay will discuss varied preference of people in choosing work avenue. To begin with, people are inclined to work in corporates which offers high salaries as it fosters the growth of the employees. Career oriented individuals are motivated to work hard and reap the benefits of promotions and high pay packages. It else helps them to thrive and climb the ladder of success in the organization. A survey by Mc Knensey revealed that, determinant employees aiming for growth, not only creates a place for themselves in the top management but also contributes substantively to the betterment of the organization. On the contrary, people argue that hygienic working conditions are significantly essential for mental and psychological well being. Crammed and unhygienic working areas deters employees to contributing effe effectively and results in physical and mental illness of the staff. For instance, it was observed that the productivity of the staff reduced by 30%, when Maruti workers were shifted to a temporary building which had inadequate lighting and ventilation. In addition, peaceful and cooperative staff is pre requisite to thrive. Therefore, an amicable work atmosphere is essential for the staff to work effectively, otherwise it impacts the production and quality. In conclusion, in lieu of above arguments, I believe that working conditions are of utmost importance, as happy employees means happy company. Although salary plays a key role in choosing the company; until a peaceful working atmosphere will be available, an employee won’t be able to thrive successfully.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Employees
spend considerable time in office,
therefore
workplace
essentially
plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in one's life. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
strive to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
that offers higher wages, others prefer amicable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
environmental. I
certainly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that workplace atmosphere is of vital importance and this essay will discuss varied preference of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in choosing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
avenue.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are inclined
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
corporates
which offers high salaries as it fosters the growth of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
. Career oriented individuals
are motivated
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and reap the benefits of promotions and high pay packages.
It seems that a verb is missing after "It". Please verify.
It
else
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to thrive and climb the ladder of success in the organization. A survey by
Possible spelling mistake found.
Mc
Possible spelling mistake found.
Knensey
revealed that, determinant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
aiming for growth, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
creates a place for themselves in the top management
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
contributes
substantively
to the betterment of the organization.

On the contrary
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that hygienic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
conditions are
significantly
essential for mental and psychological
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
. Crammed and unhygienic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
areas deters
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
to contributing
Possible spelling mistake found.
effe
effectively
and results in physical and mental illness of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staff
.
For instance
, it
was observed
that the productivity of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staff
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
by 30%, when
Possible spelling mistake found.
Maruti
workers
were shifted
to a temporary building which had inadequate lighting and ventilation.
In addition
, peaceful and cooperative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staff
is
Possible spelling mistake found.
pre requisite
to thrive.
Therefore
, an amicable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
atmosphere is essential for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staff
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
effectively
,
otherwise
it impacts the production and quality.

In conclusion
, in lieu of above arguments, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
conditions are of utmost importance, as happy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
means happy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. Although salary plays a key role in choosing the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
; until a peaceful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
atmosphere will be available, an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
won’t be able to thrive
successfully
.
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IELTS essay Some people like to work in company which offer high salaries, other prefer working in a company which offer good working atmosphere. What do you think.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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