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Some people feel that the effects of advertising are positive for individuals and businesses, while others think they are negative. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

Some people feel that the effects of advertising are positive for individuals and businesses, while others think they are negative. y6E3
One of the most conspicuous trends of today's world is colossal upsurge in the number of people believing that Advertising are beneficial for Individuals and businesses, while other think they are Adverse. There is widespread worry that this will only lead to myriad of concerns in one's life. However I do not entirely accept this and I will explain why in this essay. There are number of arguements in my favor. The most preponderant one is that Advertising plays an essential role in not only in promoting a product of an organisation but also lead to numerous other benefits.
One of the most conspicuous trends of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world is colossal upsurge in the number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believing that Advertising are beneficial for Individuals and businesses, while other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
they are Adverse. There is widespread worry that this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
lead to myriad of concerns in one's life.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
I do not
entirely
accept this and I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why in this essay. There are number of
Possible spelling mistake found.
arguements
in my favor. The most preponderant one is that Advertising plays an essential role in not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in promoting a product of an
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
lead to numerous other benefits.

IELTS essay Some people feel that the effects of advertising are positive for individuals and businesses, while others think they are negative.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
99 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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