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Some people believe the aim of university education is to help graduates get better jobs. Others believe there are much wider benefits of university education for both individuals and society. Discuss both vi

Some people believe the aim of university education is to help graduates get better jobs. Others believe there are much wider benefits of university education for both individuals and society. Discuss both vi olJw
It has utterly been debated that being of making a successful professional career of the major goal of university education, while the probability of aim is wider that so profitable for both individuals and humanity. There are valid opinions on the both sides of this intensely debated topic and I will deliberate them now. On the one hand, I understand why certain people are in favour of the opinion that the major goal of university education is to provide their graduates with good professions. The foremost point to depict is that the wish of about all university students is firstly to get lucky jobs when they graduates university. In other words, having a great opportunity is one of the most significant things in a person’s life and university is usually very helpful for that. Another noteworthy argument is that the monetary issue is very important for individuals. A successful university career can solve the problems related to lack of money with providing jobs. To be more specific, most people’s major aim is to get a lucky job and earn more money. To cite an example, a lot of students have problems related to money, and therefore they are in predicament if they want to realize their goals. They can solve this problem with getting a highsalary job. Nonetheless, I would side those who endorse the argument that university education also benefits both people and society. The primary reason why I advocate that idea is because universities bring up great personals. To be more specific, they are very important and profitable for society. Furthermore, the world and society are developing day by day. The great personals who graduated universities successful and are very literal play great roles according to this progress. By way of conclusion, taking the above-mentioned justifications into account even though there are numerous reasons for the former statement, I am of the opinion that university education has significant role and benefits for both individuals and society.
It has
utterly
been debated
that being of making a successful professional career of the major

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
goal
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
education, while the probability of aim is wider that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
profitable for both

individuals and humanity. There are valid opinions on the both sides of this
intensely
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
debated


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
topic
and I will deliberate them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.

On the one hand, I understand why certain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of the opinion that the major

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
goal
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
education is to provide their graduates with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
professions. The
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
foremost


point to depict is that the wish of about all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
students is
firstly
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
lucky jobs when

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
they
Possible agreement error -- use base form here: "graduate".
graduates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
.
In other words
, having a great opportunity is one of the
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
most


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
significant
things in a person’s life and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
is
usually
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
helpful for that. Another

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
noteworthy
argument is that the monetary issue is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for individuals. A
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
successful


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
university
career can solve the problems related to lack of money with providing jobs. To
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
be


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
more
specific, most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s major aim is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a lucky job and earn more money. To cite
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
an


example,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
students have problems related to money, and
therefore
they are in

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
predicament
if they want to realize their goals. They can solve this problem with getting a
Possible spelling mistake found.
highsalary
job.

Nonetheless, I would side those who endorse the argument that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
education
also


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
benefits
both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. The primary reason why I advocate that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
is
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
because


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
universities
bring up great personals. To be more specific, they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
and


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
profitable
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
Furthermore
, the world and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
are developing day by day. The
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
great


personals who graduated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
successful and are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
literal play great roles according

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
to
this progress.

By way of conclusion, taking the above-mentioned justifications into account
even though


there are numerous reasons for the former statement, I am of the opinion that university

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
education
has significant role and benefits for both individuals and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
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IELTS essay Some people believe the aim of university education is to help graduates get better jobs. Others believe there are much wider benefits of university education for both individuals and society. Discuss both vi

Essay
  American English
22 paragraphs
328 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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