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some people believe that unpair community service should be a compulsory

some people believe that unpair community service should be a compulsory NwRE2
As we know, there are numerous people who organised the charity team for helping poor children. These things are more popular than in the past because of the peaceful life, almost all people have jobs so their income is also better. To develop these things, many people believe we should teach education about humanity for students in highschool and there should be a compulsory part of the lessons. Here are my thoughts about this problem. We can deny that charity is essential in people's lives, it will help a lot of orphans and humans who have few conditions to let their children go to school. In my opinion, I partly agree with creating unpaid community service in highschool programmes. Because, when the students do that, they will have more experiences and they will know that there are a lot of unhappy lives out there. If we help them, we also make the world become better and the relationship with humans also be closer and better. And helping people has many ways to do like: cook the dises and bring them to the homeless people, teaching sports free to younger children or also visit the orphanage and play with the children. To form this element, students in highschool should learn and experience to be able to understand how hard it is for other children who have no conditions. On the other hand, this is an activity which depends on the nature and lifestyle of the students, not any of them want to do this. If we make them compulsory, they will feel annoyed and just do it like a test or a fake way. In my opinion, letting the students who have will and want to do it is better than who just do not care with charity. We can create small groups but high quality, more experiences, more self growth. In short, charity is the good experience for student and make the relationship of human become closer, to be honest as a highschool student I have do charity a lot and each of the travel, i know more about people life, poor childrens. If you have conditions please go to help them to make our life better.
As we know, there are numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
Possible spelling mistake. 'organised' is British English.
organised
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charity
team for helping poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. These things are more popular than in the past
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the peaceful life, almost all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have jobs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
their income is
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
. To develop these things,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe we should teach education about humanity for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
highschool
and there should be a compulsory part of the lessons. Here are my thoughts about this problem.

We can deny that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charity
is essential in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
orphans and humans
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have few conditions to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
go to school. In my opinion, I partly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with creating unpaid community service in
Possible spelling mistake found.
highschool
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
do that, they will have more
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
experiences and
they will know that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
unhappy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
out there. If we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them, we
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
the world become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
and the relationship with humans
also
be closer and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
. And helping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways to do like: cook the
Possible spelling mistake found.
dises
and bring them to the homeless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, teaching sports free to younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
or
also
visit the orphanage and play with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. To form this element,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
highschool
should learn and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
to be able to understand how
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
it is for other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have no conditions.

On the other hand
, this is an activity which depends on the nature and lifestyle of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, not any of them want to do this. If we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them compulsory, they will feel annoyed and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
do it like a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
or a fake way. In my opinion, letting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have will and want to do it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
do not care with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charity
. We can create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
groups
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
high quality, more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
, more self growth.

In short,
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charity
is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
and
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make
the relationship of human become closer, to be honest as a
Possible spelling mistake found.
highschool
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
I have
Use past participle here: "done".
do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charity
a lot and each of the travel,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
know more about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
life, poor
Possible spelling mistake found.
childrens
.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
you have conditions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
please
go to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
our life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
.
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IELTS essay some people believe that unpair community service should be a compulsory

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
367 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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