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some people believe that there are many reasons that can motivate a person to keep working for the same company whereas others say that money is the main reason. Do you agree or disagree

some people believe that there are many reasons that can motivate a person to keep working for the same company whereas others say that money is the main reason. daxp
In the world have different opinions related to the workplace. According to many people view it would be better employ such places where employers offer good salary. From my point of view, I partly agree with this statement, but, I also believe that the workplace should attractive area for staff. In this essay, I will try to explain both pros and cross sides related to the above opinions. On the one hand, in this day and age people become more materialistic they try estimate many things with money. In fact, people who work for a high salary somewhere are considered happier. Because they can solve some problems which stay as an obstacle in front of them. That is why many people argue that money most important than other reasons to keep employees in the same company. On the other hand, there is another type of humans who believe that money cannot always stimulus to maintain good employees in the same place. According to them, first and foremost in the workplace among staff should create a friendly atmosphere where employees try to encourage each other when their co-workers face any dilemma. Moreover, employees should select workplace according to their wants to work by heart and show their best result. As a piece of evidence according to global statistic information more than 80% of employees work due to only money as compulsory though, they want work other spheres. In conclusion, although many people think that money is the main reason and stimuli to keep staff one place, I think the other reasons such as friendly employee group outweigh the opinion that related to money.
In the world have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
opinions related to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workplace
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
According
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
view it would be better employ such places where employers offer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
salary. From my point of view, I partly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, I
also
believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workplace
should attractive area for staff. In this essay, I will try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
both pros and cross sides related to the above opinions.

On the one hand, in this day and age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become more materialistic they try estimate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. In fact,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for a high salary somewhere
are considered
happier.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
they can solve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems which stay as an obstacle in front of them.
That is
why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
most
Use "(important)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
important
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
reasons to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
in the same
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, there is another type of humans who believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
cannot always stimulus to maintain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
in the same place.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
According
to them,
first
and foremost in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workplace
among staff should create a friendly atmosphere where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
try to encourage each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
when their co-workers face any dilemma.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
should select
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workplace
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
according
to their wants to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
by heart and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their best result. As a piece of evidence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
according
to global statistic information more than 80% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
due to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as compulsory though, they want
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
spheres.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is the main reason and stimuli to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
staff one place, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
reasons such as friendly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
group outweigh the opinion that related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
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IELTS essay some people believe that there are many reasons that can motivate a person to keep working for the same company whereas others say that money is the main reason.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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