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some people believe that the young should be punished in the same way as adults. do you agree or disagree

some people believe that the young should be punished in the same way as adults. gqxrO
In these days, people are trying harder to fight for children's rights because they think that children are the future and hope of our planet. But, how about the punishments for children if they do wrong things? Plenty of people suppose that children should be punished in the same way as adults when both of them do resemble crimes. I partly agree with this opinion. First and foremost, the rate of young offenders is increasing too fast day by day, even the level of crime. In fact, we can usually read news in newspapers or social network about youngsters, who caused serious crimes or killed people. People can do wrong things, even become murder or thief regardless to their age. So that there is no reason for having special treatments to young people who commit serious crimes because the serious level of action is the same at all ages. The Government should penalty young offenders with the same punishments as adults not only to deterrent them to not commit serious crimes, but also help creating safer and more peaceful society. In the other hand, people have to understand that children are not mature enough to realize their actions are legal or illegal. Some people may say that it is not equal for children if the Government imposes resemble penalties for them instead of having soft punishments like education or renovation. Children deserve to be given time to reflect their actions and restart with caring to help them go in the right way. For instance, children who grow up in good environment with better education and conditions will know what they can do or not to do sooner. Those children are taught to control their behaviours instead of doing things without thinking about results. Family, schools and society play very important roles to decide whether a child becomes good person or not. In conclusion, the Government should has law about young offenders be punished in the same way as adults in order to avoid controversial. In addition, children should be provided the best condition and education, which help them not to become wrongdoers, to grow up. Parent and family must also take responsibilities about children's actions because they didn't teach and take care of children well.
In these days,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are trying harder to fight for children's rights
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are the future and hope of our planet.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, how about the punishments for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
if they do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
things?
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Plenty
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suppose that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be punished
in the same way
as adults when both of them do resemble
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
. I partly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this opinion.

First
and foremost, the rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
offenders is increasing too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
day by day, even the level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. In fact, we can
usually
read news in newspapers or social network about youngsters, who caused
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
or killed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
can do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
things, even become murder or thief regardless to their age.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that there is no reason for having special treatments to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
serious
level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
action
is the same at all ages. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
should penalty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
offenders with the same punishments as adults not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to deterrent them to not commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
The verb 'help' is used with an infinitive: "to create" or "create".
creating
safer and more peaceful society.

In the other hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
understand that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are not mature
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to realize their actions are legal or illegal.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may say that it is not equal for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
imposes resemble penalties for them
instead
of having soft punishments like education or renovation.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
deserve to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
time to reflect their actions and restart with caring to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them go in the right way.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who grow up in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
environment with better education and conditions will know what they can do or not to do sooner. Those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are taught
to control their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
instead
of doing things without thinking about results. Family, schools and society play
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
roles to decide whether a child becomes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
person or not.

In conclusion
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
should
The verb 'should' requires the base form of the verb: "have"
has
law about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
offenders
be punished
in the same way
as adults in order to avoid controversial.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be provided
the best condition and education, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them not to become wrongdoers, to grow up. Parent and family
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
also
take responsibilities about children's actions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they didn't teach and take care of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
well.
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IELTS essay some people believe that the young should be punished in the same way as adults.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
375 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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