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Some people believe that team sports should be banned from the school curriculum and should play no part in education. To what extent do you agree or disagree

Some people believe that team sports should be banned from the school curriculum and should play no part in education. L9q1p
In most education systems around the world, physical sports or team sports play an important role in a student's daily basis. However, it has been argued that sport as a school subject is unnecessary and sport should be expelled from school. From my perspective, I strongly disagree with this view based on numerous factors which I will lay out in this essay. Physical education was introduced into schools to promote children to have a better lifestyle. Sports are the best way to maintain good health and fitness for youngsters, it helps them to develop their bodies and physical strength. For students who are already very active, participating in a sports lesson might be unnecessary, but those who are not from active families or not into sports, depend on schools for exercise. Hence, they tend to find some excitement in participating team activities. If they are not allowed to play sports in school regularly, children would catch obesity and various kinds of illness related to both their physical and mental health. Even though I understand that sports can cause serious ịnuries and students may suffer from osteoporosis - a disease that causes our bones to be fragile and easily broken, teachers and schools will always ensure that students are playing sports safely. On the flip side, when we take a look at the emotional problems that students have during their school life, in fact, sports are the best solution to deal with them. Every sport teaches the players to cope with the frustration of defeat in a calm manner. The lessons that they learn on the playground will definitely help them to handle the difficult situations in future life. Moreover, there are numerous skills that children can gain through these activities such as leadership, problem solving and decision making. All of them are vital for a successful life. To sum up, although the challenges, unexpected results and incidents can build up some emotional stress inside teens’ minds, looking back to the benefits that sports have provided, those stresses are negligible. The emotions that are caused by playing sports also add a valuable lesson for young lives. Most importantly, there are none of any other subjects that can replace sports’ position in school.
In most education systems around the world, physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
or team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in a student's daily basis.
However
, it has
been argued
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
subject is unnecessary and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
should
be expelled
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. From my perspective, I
strongly
disagree with this view based on numerous factors which I will lay out in this essay.

Physical education
was introduced
into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
to promote children to have a better lifestyle.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sports
are the best way to maintain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
health and fitness for youngsters, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to develop their bodies and physical strength. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who are already
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
active, participating in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
lesson might be unnecessary,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
those who are not from active families or not into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, depend on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
for exercise.
Hence
, they tend to find
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
excitement in participating team activities. If they are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
regularly
, children would catch obesity and various kinds of illness related to both their physical and mental health.
Even though
I understand that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
can cause serious
Possible spelling mistake found.
ịnuries
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
may suffer from osteoporosis
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
a disease that causes our bones to be fragile and
easily
broken, teachers and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
will always ensure that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
safely
.

On the flip side, when we take a look at the emotional problems that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have during their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
life, in fact,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are the best solution to deal with them. Every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
teaches the players to cope with the frustration of defeat
Consider replacing "in a calm manner" with the adverb for "calm"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a calm manner
. The lessons that they learn on the playground will definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to handle the difficult situations in future life.
Moreover
, there are numerous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
that children can gain through these activities such as leadership, problem solving and
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
decision making
. All of them are vital for a successful life.

To sum up, although the challenges, unexpected results and incidents can build up
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
emotional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
inside teens’ minds, looking back to the benefits that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
have provided, those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stresses
are negligible. The emotions that
are caused
by playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
a valuable lesson for young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. Most
importantly
, there are none of any other subjects that can replace
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports’
position in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that team sports should be banned from the school curriculum and should play no part in education.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
371 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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