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Some people believe that studying at university or colleges is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both view and give an opinion. v.1

Some people believe that studying at university or colleges is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. v. 1
There is no doubt that, since several centuries, the music was the only thing which made the people united. The question is do songs really have this power of bringing people from different countries and ages together? In this essay, I am going to give my personal opinion and draw my own conclusion. In terms of advantages, music can effects lot of nations in a positive way and lets anyone listen to it without knowing of his or her age or nationality. The main reason given to support this claim is the numbers of song’s views on YouTube, you can see how millions listened to these songs which clearly shows how popular are they. To illustrate, people when they listen to any kind of music they forget all the borders between them and the others. In other words, singing is the language of the whole world. Hence the belief that songs make the human beings feel like they are one nation. However, it should not be forgotten, some songs could use as a tool to attack the people's feelings. For example, in the last century there were some songs made to be against the black people. Because of that a war appeared between white and black people in the USA in the 1950s. But that never happened again, furthermore, all the singers are now singing about the peace and how can we live with other people without thinking of their skin or their nationality. In conclusion, after a careful analysis of both views, I believe that music has a very positive influence on different kind of people.
There is no doubt that, since several centuries, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
was the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
thing which made the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
united. The question is do songs
really
have this power of bringing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries and ages together? In this essay, I am going to give my personal opinion and draw my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
conclusion.

In terms of advantages,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "effect"
effects
It seems that an article is missing.
lot of
nations in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
way and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lets
anyone
The pronoun 'anyone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "listens", "listened".
listen
to it without knowing of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
age or nationality. The main reason
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to support this claim is the numbers of song’s views on YouTube, you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
how millions listened to these songs which
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
how popular are they. To illustrate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
when they listen to any kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
they forget all the borders between them and the others.
In other words
, singing is the language of the whole world.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
the belief that songs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the human beings feel like they are one nation.

However
, it should not
be forgotten
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
songs could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
as a tool to attack the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's feelings.
For example
, in the last century there were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
songs made to be against the black
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of that a war appeared between white and black
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the USA in the 1950s.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
that never happened again,
furthermore
, all the singers are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
singing about the peace and how can we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
without thinking of their skin or their nationality.

In conclusion
, after a careful analysis of both views, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
influence on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that studying at university or colleges is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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