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Some people believe that sport is an essential part of school life for children, while others feel it should be purely optional. Discuss these opposing views and give your own opinion. v.1

Some people believe that sport is an essential part of school life for children, while others feel it should be purely optional. Discuss these opposing views and give your own opinion. v. 1
While certain individuals perceive that sporting is vital for young people at school, others believe that this should be completely voluntary. In this essay I will discuss both views before coming down to a conclusion. On the one hand, sporting promotes a healthy life as well as refreshing a student's mind from educational stresses. To elaborate, being involved in physical activities allows the body to shed off some calories hence combating obesity. For example, research has shown that overweight tend to loose some weight when they immerse themselves in activities such as jogging, basketball. Additionally, sports act as a form of diversional therapy thus it refreshes the mind from book and assignment stresses hence vital to children. If schools where to ignore sporting, then health problems like depression and obesity would prevail. On the other hand, as much as physical activity is important, it should be completely voluntary. This is because some students suffer from certain health conditions which do not allow them to exercise. For instance, asthma which is exacerbated by dust and heart problems. Moreover, some might start to have poor grades due to sporting since they will be devoting more time than to education itself. For example, a learner might uses their study time to do athletics hence their grades will reduce considerably. I'm conclusion, sporting is extremely important in improving the health systems by prevent conditions such as obesity as well as refreshing the mind. However, caution need to be exercised to allow a balance in education and sporting and also history for students should be collected to rule out any diseases.
While certain individuals perceive that sporting is vital for young
people
at school, others believe that this should be completely voluntary. In this essay I will discuss both views
before
coming down to a conclusion.

On the one hand, sporting promotes a healthy life
as well
as refreshing a student's mind from educational
stresses
. To elaborate,
being involved
in physical activities
allows
the body to shed off
some
calories
hence
combating obesity.
For example
, research has shown that overweight tend to
loose
some
weight when they immerse themselves in activities such as jogging, basketball.
Additionally
, sports act as a form of
diversional
therapy
thus
it refreshes the mind from book and assignment
stresses
hence
vital to children. If schools where to
ignore
sporting, then health problems like depression and obesity would prevail.

On the other hand
, as much as physical activity is
important
, it should be completely voluntary. This is
because
some
students suffer from certain health conditions which do not
allow
them to exercise.
For instance
, asthma which
is exacerbated
by dust and heart problems.
Moreover
,
some
might
start
to have poor grades due to sporting since they will be devoting more time than to education itself.
For example
, a learner might
uses
their study time to do athletics
hence
their grades will
reduce
considerably
.

I'm conclusion, sporting is
extremely
important
in improving the health systems by
prevent
conditions such as obesity
as well
as refreshing the mind.
However
, caution need to
be exercised
to
allow
a balance in education and sporting and
also
history for students should
be collected
to
rule
out any diseases.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that sport is an essential part of school life for children, while others feel it should be purely optional. Discuss these opposing views and give your own opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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