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some people believe that social work should be made compulsory to all its citizens. To what extent do you agree or disagree

some people believe that social work should be made compulsory to all its citizens. 737M6
Few number of individuals consider that social welfare should be made mandatory for all the natives. I completely agree with this opinion that social work should be made compulsory. First of all, I believe that doing community work gives us a sense of empathy and satisfaction. Helping others definitely creates joy fulfilment. Working together and helping those in need is my definition of humanity. Moreover doing social work teaches us few of the values and morals that cannot be taught to us via books. A value of respecting others even though we all are completely different humans from different background, yet the basics remains same for each and very person. For instance school organizing a camp for each standard every year to go out different places and help those tribes by educating or teaching the beginner level of language that is spoken in the entire country. Secondly, social welfare should be done with once individual feelings. It should not be forced upon them. Otherwise it would look like a burden on them. This would eventually create a pessimistic environment. However carrying out social work surely creates a positive energy around oneself. It keeps you motivating for doing such task again and again. Thus, making social work mandatory only gives out good there are no drawbacks of doing so. To conclude, I believe that making social work compulsory is definitely beneficial since it makes people motivated and keep doing good to other and give back to the society.
Possible agreement error. The noun number seems to be countable; consider using: "Few numbers".
Few number
of individuals consider that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
welfare should
be made
mandatory for all the natives. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
should
be made
compulsory.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
gives us a sense of empathy

and satisfaction. Helping others definitely creates joy
Possible spelling mistake. 'fulfilment' is British English.
fulfilment
. Working together

and helping those in need is my definition of humanity.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
teaches us few of the values and morals that cannot
be taught
to us via books. A value of respecting others
even though
we all are completely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
humans from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
background,
yet
the basics remains same for each and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
person.
For instance
school organizing a camp for each standard every year to go out
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
places and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
those tribes by educating or teaching the beginner level of language that
is spoken
in the entire country.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
welfare should
be done
with once individual feelings. It should not
be forced
upon them.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Otherwise
it would look like a burden on them. This would
eventually
create a pessimistic environment.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
carrying out
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
surely
creates a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
energy around oneself. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
you motivating for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
such task again and again.
Thus
, making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
mandatory
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
gives out
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
there are no drawbacks of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.

To conclude
, I believe that making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
compulsory is definitely beneficial since it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
motivated and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
to other and give back to the society.
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IELTS essay some people believe that social work should be made compulsory to all its citizens.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
247 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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