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Some people believe that over 60-65 should be allowed to work as long as they want. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that over 60-65 should be allowed to work as long as they want. jRPna
It is generally argued that above 60 years old people should work without limit age. In my opinion, this view cannot be considered correct for a few reasons. First of all, people with old ages begin to be exhausted as time progress. They cannot work correctly due to the decline in their ability to perform what they have done before. Furthermore, in modern days, competition among large companies causes many workloads which occurs too much responsibility. For older people, this situation can be much more irritated and stressful. These concerns lead to some health problems like heart diseases, anxiety, diabetes, headaches. The fact that older people do not become retired brings about a decrease in many job opportunities for young generations. It is known that the early years of life are more eager and energetic ones. They have more potential to perform diverse professions like teacher, doctor, computer engineer. Young people can bring innovation, new aspects to many sectors. For instance, a young teacher can create a new method for teaching students through advanced technology. Moreover, companies make use of the advantage of the technology at the present time which can be tough to learn for older people. On the contrary, young ones can efficiently deal with advanced technology, especially in the computer sector. To conclude, if older people are allowed to work as long as they want, job opportunities will decrease for younger ones. Thus, if they retire at a time, youngsters will be able to show their skills and gain experience.
It is
generally
argued that above 60 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should work without limit age. In my opinion, this view cannot
be considered
correct for a few reasons.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
ages
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
to
be exhausted
as time progress. They cannot work
correctly
due to the decline in their ability to perform what they have done
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
Furthermore
, in modern days, competition among large
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
causes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
workloads which occurs too much responsibility. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, this situation can be much more irritated and stressful. These concerns lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
health problems like heart diseases, anxiety, diabetes, headaches.

The fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not become retired brings about a decrease in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
job opportunities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generations. It
is known
that the early years of life are more eager and energetic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
. They have more potential to perform diverse professions like teacher, doctor, computer engineer.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can bring innovation, new aspects to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
sectors.
For instance
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
teacher can create a new method for teaching students through advanced technology.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the advantage of the technology at the present time which can be tough to learn for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
On the contrary
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
can
efficiently
deal with advanced technology,
especially
in the computer sector.

To conclude
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to work as long as they want, job opportunities will decrease for younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
.
Thus
, if they retire at a time, youngsters will be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and gain experience.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that over 60-65 should be allowed to work as long as they want.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
253 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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