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Some countries are introducing an additional tax on drinks containing high levels of sugar due to the negative effects of consuming large amounts of sugar on people’s health. Should governments impose extra taxes to discourage people from consuming sugary drinks and prevent negative effects on people’s health or should it be people’s own responsibility?

Some countries are introducing an additional tax on drinks containing high levels of sugar due to the negative effects of consuming large amounts of sugar on people’s health. Should governments impose extra taxes to discourage people from consuming sugary drinks and prevent negative effects on people’s health or should it be people’s own responsibility? 2bK8M
There are a controversy whether government enforce a higher tax on this kind of food or citizents take their responsibility. In my opinion, I strongly agree with adding tax on sweetened drinks is the better idear. On the one hand, there are an increasing number of people suffering from health problems in some countries is considered a consequence of overdrinking sugary beverages. High consumption of high sugar drinks can lead to weight gain, obesity also can contribute to heart disease, type 2 diabetes and other chronic diseases. When the government applies this policy, the high tax will increase the price of sugar drinks. Once the customers have to pay at a high price, they tend to stop buying it. Therefore, they will prefer drink portable water instead of sugar beverages. Moreover, many people will stay away from unhealthy drinks such as Coca-cola or Seven-up. It is predicted that people will choose traditional drinks which contains nutritious elements such as tea, mineral water or vegitational juice. On the other hand, the government will acquire much money from tax of sweetened drinks so that they can improve health services for victims. The clinics will be extended with full essential equiment and staff. Besides, the scientist research and develop more new effective method to treat diseases. In addition, soft drinks and other highly sweetened drinks such as cordial and fruit drinks generally provide a high number of kilojoules but few nutrients such as calcium and iron than the others. A rich sugar diet can cause weight gain, tooth decay, concentration problems – even when you are young. From what has been discussed abve, we may draw the conclusion that whenever taxes on sugar drinks are high imposed, this kind of convenient beverages will become less affordable. This way is highly appreciated to encourage people to suiter to healthier alternatives. It is predictable that the sweetened drinks industry will witness downward trend in near future once taxes are
There are a controversy whether
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
Consider using third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "enforces".
enforce
a higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
on this kind of food or
Possible spelling mistake found.
citizents
take their responsibility. In my opinion, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with adding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sweetened
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
is the better
Possible spelling mistake found.
idear
.

On the one hand, there are an increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suffering from health problems in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries
is considered
a consequence of
Possible spelling mistake found.
overdrinking
sugary beverages.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
High
consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
can lead to weight gain, obesity
also
can contribute to heart disease, type 2 diabetes and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
chronic diseases. When the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
applies this policy, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
will increase the price of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
. Once the customers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay at a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
price, they tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
buying it.
Therefore
, they will prefer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drink
portable water
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
beverages.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will stay away from unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
such as Coca-cola or Seven-up. It
is predicted
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will choose traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
which contains nutritious elements such as tea, mineral water or
Possible spelling mistake found.
vegitational
juice.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
will acquire much money from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sweetened
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
health services for victims. The clinics will
be extended
with full essential
Possible spelling mistake found.
equiment
and staff.
Besides
, the scientist research and develop more new effective method to treat diseases.
In addition
, soft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
highly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sweetened
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
such as cordial and fruit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
generally
provide a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
number of kilojoules
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
few nutrients such as calcium and iron than the others. A rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
diet can cause weight gain, tooth decay, concentration problems
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
even when you are young.

From what has
been discussed
Possible spelling mistake found.
abve
, we may draw the conclusion that whenever
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
imposed, this kind of convenient beverages will become less affordable. This way is
highly
The verb 'appreciated' is used with the gerund form: "appreciated encouraging".
appreciated to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
suiter
to healthier alternatives. It is predictable that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sweetened
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "drinks'" or "drink's"?
drinks
industry will witness downward trend in near future once
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
are
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IELTS essay Some countries are introducing an additional tax on drinks containing high levels of sugar due to the negative effects of consuming large amounts of sugar on people’s health. Should governments impose extra taxes to discourage people from consuming sugary drinks and prevent negative effects on people’s health or should it be people’s own responsibility?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
323 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Some countries are introducing an additional tax on drinks containing high levels of sugar due to the negative effects of consuming large amounts of sugar on people’s health. Should governments impose extra taxes to discourage people from consuming sugary drinks and prevent negative effects on people’s health or should it be people’s own responsibility?