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SOME PEOPLE BELIEVE THAT HOBBIES NEED TO BE DIFFICULT TO BE ENJOYABLE. TO WHAT EXTEND DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE?

SOME PEOPLE BELIEVE THAT HOBBIES NEED TO BE DIFFICULT TO BE ENJOYABLE. NrwBy
Nowadays, more and more people think that leisure pursuits are required to be challenging and difficult. While some people agree with the statement, I personally disagree with it because people should choose their hobby based on their situations and interest. On the one hand, many people find it more enjoyable when they do activities that are relaxed. Easy hobbies might be considered as boring, but others feel that they are happy and satisfied. For instance, swimming have been my forte since I was 10 years old. This hobby requires very little equipment and easy to learn. In a sweltering weather, taking a dip is not only improve my physically, but also a satisfying activity which helps me to feel relaxed after stressful time at school. On the other hand, it is undeniable that everybody would have their own different interest and passion. Some people only feel excited when they do arduous activities. For example, playing piano is a pastime that are sophisticated and difficult. In my case, it took me more than five years to conquer this field. At the first time it requires a lot of efforts and sometimes I feel like giving up, but now I enjoy it much more than I did when I started. I believe that many leisure activities would more enjoyable when we reach a higher level of knowledge, because the feeling of achievement is great. In conclusion, while some people are gravitate towards to do difficult activities, I would argue that simple hobbies also be fun and relaxed.
Nowadays, more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that leisure pursuits
are required
to be challenging and difficult. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement, I
personally
disagree with it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should choose their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
based on their situations and interest.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
find it more enjoyable when they do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
that
are relaxed
. Easy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
might
be considered
as boring,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
that they are happy and satisfied.
For instance
, swimming have been my forte since I was 10 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
requires
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
equipment and easy to learn. In a sweltering weather, taking a dip is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
my
physically
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
a satisfying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
me to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
relaxed after stressful time at school.

On the other hand
, it is undeniable that everybody would have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
interest and passion.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
excited when they do arduous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
For example
, playing piano is a pastime that
are sophisticated
and difficult. In my case, it took me more than five years to conquer this field. At the
first
time it requires
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
efforts and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
like giving up,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
I enjoy it much more than I did when I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
. I believe that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
would more enjoyable when we reach a higher level of knowledge,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the feeling of achievement is great.

In conclusion
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
Consider using a past participle here: "gravitated".
gravitate
towards to do difficult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, I would argue that simple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
also
be fun and relaxed.
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IELTS essay SOME PEOPLE BELIEVE THAT HOBBIES NEED TO BE DIFFICULT TO BE ENJOYABLE.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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