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Some people believe that children should continue schooling until 18 years of age, while others suggest that schooling till 14 years of age is enough. Discuss both views and present your opinion.

Some people believe that children should continue schooling until 18 years of age, while others suggest that schooling till 14 years of age is enough. wBJ83
Schooling is an integral part of a child’s life and plays a pivotal role in their overall development. While some individuals believe that the minimum age for children to study is 18 years, others tend to think that 14 years should be sufficient. I opine to the former opinion because of a myriad of reasons. In this essay, we shall discuss these two topics further. Firstly, one of the reasons behind parents belief of the age limit being 18 years is because they believe that children achieve better intellect and understanding. Secondly, due to those additional years of education, an individual gets in-depth information of various subjects; for example, junior colleges have a separate way of teaching subjects which not only involves lectures, and seminars but also practical assignments, and experiments. As a result, children would be able to recognize their interest, and eventually plan better for their future endeavours. On the other hand, there are some people who think that 14 years is the upper limit for schooling. Since they think that a child possesses sound knowledge at that time about their goals and desires. Moreover, some people do not consider theory as their strongest feature, and thus opt for changing their field of study and moving towards a practical environment; for instance, in most countries, many of our ancestors were illiterate, and did not have an education background, yet they achieved prosperity through other means such as businesses, and trade. Hence, people consider 14 as an average age for children to leave school. To summarize, there are two sides to a coin; therefore, although there are some positive outcomes for children who have studied until 14 years, I believe it would more beneficial if they study for a few more years. Nevertheless, the young generation is considered the future, and thus we should provide them with the best education.
Schooling is an integral part of a child’s life and plays a pivotal role in their
overall
development. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals believe that the minimum age for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to study is 18 years, others tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that 14 years should be sufficient. I opine to the former opinion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of a myriad of reasons. In this essay, we shall discuss these two topics
further
.

Firstly
, one of the reasons behind parents belief of the age limit being 18 years is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
achieve better intellect and understanding.
Secondly
, due to those additional years of education, an individual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
in-depth information of various subjects;
for example
, junior colleges have a separate way of teaching subjects which not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
involves lectures, and seminars
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
practical assignments, and experiments.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would be able to recognize their interest, and
eventually
plan better for their future
Possible spelling mistake. 'endeavours' is British English.
endeavours
.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that 14 years is the upper limit for schooling. Since they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that a child possesses sound knowledge at that time about their goals and desires.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not consider theory as their strongest feature, and
thus
opt for changing their field of study and moving towards a practical environment;
for instance
, in most countries,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of our ancestors were illiterate, and did not have an education background,
yet
they achieved prosperity through other means such as businesses, and trade.
Hence
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
consider 14 as an average age for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
school.

To summarize
, there are two sides to a coin;
therefore
, although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
outcomes for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who have studied until 14 years, I believe it would more beneficial if they study for a few more years.
Nevertheless
, the young generation
is considered
the future, and
thus
we should provide them with the best education.

IELTS essay Some people believe that children should continue schooling until 18 years of age, while others suggest that schooling till 14 years of age is enough.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
311 words
8.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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