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Some people believe that children have the freedom to make mistake, while other argue that adult should prevent them from doing so. Discuss both the views and give your opinion

Some people believe that children have the freedom to make mistake, while other argue that adult should prevent them from doing so. Discuss both the views and give your opinion BWYEm
A child’s upbringing plays an indisputably significant role in shaping a person. Some people believe that parents have a certain responsibility for children’s mistakes as they should prevent children from them, while others think that children should be allowed to make mistakes freely. There is a strong case to be made for both sides of the debate. On the one hand, supporters of parents’ intervention highlight that most of the mistakes children are prone to making are unnecessary and avoidable. For instance, parents should teach their children to be careful with dangerous things such as knives, fire, and electricity rather than let them experience and get hurt. Additionally, parents are responsible for raising and protecting their children from harm. Therefore, by preemptively helping their children avoid making mistakes, parents feel better about themselves due to their endeavours in fulfilling the duty. On the other hand, advocates of the trial and error method often argue that parents cannot be around their kids all the time, so children make mistakes when experiencing new things is inevitable. Furthermore, there are many invaluable lessons that children can learn through mistakes, which might not be taught by any educational method. A child who did get hurt by playing with fire may be more cautious in such a situation without being warned by an adult, for example. Last but not least, from this side of the debate, people emphasize that children who are shielded from everything will grow up to be self-centred and over-dependent on other people. In conclusion, I believe that the stronger argument is letting children learn from their mistakes, with all the advantages of preparing them for their future. However, parents should intervene and give guidance whenever children suffer from a hard problem or make a big mistake.
A child’s upbringing plays an
indisputably
significant role in shaping a person.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have a certain responsibility for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mistakes
as they should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from them, while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mistakes
freely
. There is a strong case to
be made
for both sides of the debate.

On the one hand, supporters of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents’
intervention highlight that most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mistakes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are prone to making are unnecessary and avoidable.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should teach their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to be careful with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
things such as knives, fire, and electricity
rather
than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
them experience and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
hurt.
Additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are responsible for raising and protecting their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from harm.
Therefore
, by
preemptively
helping their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
avoid making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mistakes
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
feel better about themselves due to their
Possible spelling mistake. 'endeavours' is British English.
endeavours
in fulfilling the duty.

On the other hand
, advocates of the trial and error method
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
cannot be around their kids all the time,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mistakes
when experiencing new things is inevitable.
Furthermore
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
invaluable lessons that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can learn through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mistakes
, which might not
be taught
by any educational method. A child who did
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
hurt by playing with fire may be more cautious in such a situation without
being warned
by an adult,
for example
. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, from this side of the debate,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
emphasize that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
are shielded
from everything will grow up to be
Possible spelling mistake found.
self-centred
and over-dependent on other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In conclusion
, I believe that the stronger argument is letting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
learn from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mistakes
, with all the advantages of preparing them for their future.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should intervene and give guidance whenever
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
suffer from a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
problem or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mistake
.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that children have the freedom to make mistake, while other argue that adult should prevent them from doing so. Discuss both the views and give your opinion

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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