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Terrorist activities are increasing all across the globe. Thousands of people lose their lives because of terrorist attacks every year. What do you think are the reasons for the rising terrorism? How does it affect the people of the world?

Terrorist activities are increasing all across the globe. Thousands of people lose their lives because of terrorist attacks every year. What do you think are the reasons for the rising terrorism? How does it affect the people of the world? bOQ5B
It is a growing concern among many nations that, rising terrorism have lead to death of millions of individuals and it is increasing every year. There are several reasons for such uprising and it do have many negative effects. All the causes along with it's devastating outcomes are discussed and elaborated in the forthcoming paragraphs. To commen with, the first and the foremost reason is the unrealistic driving religious forces. To explain this, many religious leaders uses their holy beliefs in wrong ways while they teach or give instructions to their followers. As a result, individuals develops a feeling of partiality which makes them participate in activities like terrorism. Besides this, another cause is poverty and hungerness. As many people are poor and they need something to earn and feed themselves, they get involved in terrorist acts as their leaders pay them for the deeds. Now, this can bring numerous detrimental results to the common layman's. First of all, such trend can give rise to n-number of attacks, killing thousands of citizens across the globe. For instance, the 9/11 attack on Mumbai was considered as brutal as many families lost their beloved ones and along with them, many police inspectors also died while fighting with terrorist. I addition to this, if heads of every religion will mislead their followers, then people will lose their faith in them as well as towards God and as a consequence, a gap will be created between them as everyone will try to superiotise their religion as the greatest of all. To summarize the statement, it can finally be concluded that, there are numerous factors which makes people to commit crimes and move into terrorist associations and if this increases then, this can be very harmful for public as thousands of them will be killed in attacks done by such groups.
It is a growing concern among
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
nations that, rising terrorism have lead to death of millions of individuals and it is increasing every year. There are several reasons for such uprising and it
Did you mean "does"?
do
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects. All the causes along with
Did you mean "its" (possessive pronoun) instead of 'it's' (=it is)?
it's
devastating outcomes
are discussed
and elaborated in the forthcoming paragraphs. To
Possible spelling mistake found.
commen
with, the
first
and the foremost reason is the unrealistic driving religious forces. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
religious leaders
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
their holy beliefs in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
ways while they teach or give instructions to their followers.
As a result
, individuals develops a feeling of partiality which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them participate in activities like terrorism.
Besides
this, another cause is poverty and
Possible spelling mistake found.
hungerness
. As
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
poor and
they need something to earn and feed themselves, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved in terrorist acts as their leaders pay them for the deeds.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
, this can bring numerous detrimental results to the common layman's.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, such trend can give rise to n-number of attacks, killing thousands of citizens across the globe.
For instance
, the 9/11 attack on Mumbai
was considered
as brutal as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
families lost their beloved ones and along with them,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
police inspectors
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
while fighting with terrorist.
Do not use a noun immediately after the pronoun 'I'. Use a verb or an adverb, or possibly some other part of speech.
I addition
to this, if heads of every religion will mislead their followers, then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will lose their faith in them
as well
as towards God and as a consequence, a gap will
be created
between them as everyone will try to
Possible spelling mistake found.
superiotise
their religion as the greatest of all.
To summarize
the statement, it can
finally
be concluded
that, there are numerous factors which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to commit crimes and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
into terrorist associations and if this increases then, this can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
harmful for public as thousands of them will
be killed
in attacks done by such groups.
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IELTS essay Terrorist activities are increasing all across the globe. Thousands of people lose their lives because of terrorist attacks every year. What do you think are the reasons for the rising terrorism? How does it affect the people of the world?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
306 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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