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Some people believe schools should reward students who show the best academic results, while others think that it is more crucial to reward students who show progress. Discuss both views and express your own opinion?

Some people believe schools should reward students who show the best academic results, while others think that it is more crucial to reward students who show progress. eBjK
Most schools award students who have done well in their exams. However, some feel that instead of awarding educational toppers, schools should appreciate the hard work of students who show very good progress by rewarding them. In my opinion, there is a need to reward toppers as well as those who show progress. The rewards inspire students to work harder and achieve better results. Everybody likes to get the prize. Toppers are no different. When the school appreciates their hard work with the award, they will be motivated to work even harder. What is more, their academic performance will also inspire other students to study harder and improve their grades. If the school does not reward them, at least, some of them will lose motivation and this may be reflected in their grades. At the same time, the toppers are not the only students who need appreciation. Students who perform well should also be rewarded for their hard work. Just knowing that the school appreciates their efforts will be an inspiration to them and they would like to improve their performance by working hard. Rewards are given for a reason. As human beings, we are all appreciated. When others acknowledge your efforts, we will want to work harder and achieve greater results. If schools only award educational toppers, others may assume that the awards are not for them. In that case, they would give up even without attempting to get better grades. If, on the other hand, schools also reward students who show improvement, then more and more students will want to improve their grades. In conclusion, the awards encourage all students to work harder. Therefore, in my opinion, it is necessary to reward not only toppers but also students who have shown improvement.
Most
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schools
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
award
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students
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who
have done well in their exams.
However
,
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some
feel that
instead
of awarding educational
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toppers
,
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schools
should appreciate the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
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work
of
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students
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who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
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good
progress by rewarding them. In my opinion, there is a need to
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reward
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toppers
as well
as those
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who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
progress.

The
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rewards
inspire
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students
to
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work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
harder
and achieve better results. Everybody likes to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the prize.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Toppers
are no
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
. When the
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school
appreciates their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
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work
with the
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award
, they will
be motivated
to
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work
even
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harder
.
What is more
, their academic performance will
also
inspire
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other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
harder
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their grades. If the
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school
does not
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reward
them, at least,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them will lose motivation and this may
be reflected
in their grades.

At the same time, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toppers
are not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
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students
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who
need appreciation.
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Students
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who
perform well should
also
be rewarded
for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Just
knowing that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
appreciates their efforts will be an inspiration to
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
them and
they would like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their performance by working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
.

Rewards are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
for a reason. As human beings, we are all appreciated. When others acknowledge your efforts, we will want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
harder
and achieve greater results. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
award
educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toppers
, others may assume that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
awards
are not for them.
In that case
, they would give up even without attempting to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
better grades. If, on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reward
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
improvement, then more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their grades.

In conclusion
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
awards
encourage all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
harder
.
Therefore
, in my opinion, it is necessary to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reward
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toppers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have shown improvement.

IELTS essay Some people believe schools should reward students who show the best academic results, while others think that it is more crucial to reward students who show progress.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
294 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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