Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people believe computer and video games are harmful to children, while others disagree

Some people believe computer and video games are harmful to children, while others disagree Ox7N
Nowadays computers and technologies formed our life in great shape, and you can’t imagine your life without using them. Today many people, varied in age, are enjoying their life, playing computer games. Some may believe that video games can sometimes have a positive effect on their user. Although playing video games is exciting, do all excitements are exciting? Video games can be both entertaining and educational. They transport players into different realms. While gamers are enjoying the phenomenal virtual world, their body and physical real world won’t be safe from video games' destructive attributes. Researches have shown a direct correlation between cardiovascular disease and spending time behind a desk using a computer, and addiction to video games even causes more damage. By comparing between the old generation and today’s, we can vividly see modernizing was not affect everything in a positive way. Sedentary and laziness is one of the major problems. For example, today developed countries are dealing with diabetics and scientists have been predicted that it is going to be one of the main problems in the next decades. Despite all of the advantages and changes that computers, the internet, and other high-tech devices have been brought to us, their effect on humanity's lifestyle is not flawless. Today teenagers and even young people are wasting their life on playing video games. Actually, a virtual world is a dreamy place. For players, It is easier to be successful in this virtual world rather than the real world, and by achieving fake success, they feel upside toward themselves. But we are living in the real world as our children would live. We need to try hard to build a good future for next-generation and they must work for their next. This is the way. In the conclusion, although some video games have educational purposes, they are not exciting as other games, so they have lower users than others. Also, the destructive effects of computer games are more worrying us than their benefits. Such as personal health care problems or distracting our children from learning useful material especially for youngsters. . Instead of playing virtual games, children should be encouraged to make friends in real life.
Nowadays computers and technologies formed our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in great shape, and you can’t imagine your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
without using them.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Today
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, varied in age, are enjoying their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
may
Possible agreement error - use third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "believes".
believe
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect on their user. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
is exciting, do all excitements are exciting?

Video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can be both entertaining and educational. They transport players into
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
realms. While gamers are enjoying the phenomenal virtual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
, their body and physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
won’t be safe from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
games' destructive attributes. Researches have shown a direct correlation between cardiovascular disease and spending time behind a desk using a computer, and addiction to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
even causes more damage.

By comparing between the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
generation and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today’s
, we can
vividly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
modernizing was not affect everything in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
way. Sedentary and laziness is one of the major problems.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
are dealing with diabetics and scientists have
been predicted
that it is going to be one of the main problems in the
next
decades.

Despite
Consider using "all the".
all of the
advantages and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
that computers, the internet, and other high-tech devices have
been brought
to us, their effect on humanity's lifestyle is not flawless.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Today
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
and even young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are wasting their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. Actually, a virtual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
is a dreamy place. For players, It is easier to be successful in this virtual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
rather
than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
, and by achieving fake success, they feel upside toward themselves.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
we are living in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
as our children would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
. We need to try
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to build a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
future for
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
next-generation and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
work for their
next
. This is the way.

In the conclusion, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have educational purposes, they are not exciting as other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they have lower users than others.
Also
, the destructive effects of computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are more worrying us than their benefits. Such as personal health care problems or distracting our children from learning useful material
especially
for youngsters.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
virtual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, children should
be encouraged
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
friends in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay Some people believe computer and video games are harmful to children, while others disagree

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
364 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts