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Some people argue that holding sporting events is beneficial to countries' development. However, other people hold the opposite opinion. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people argue that holding sporting events is beneficial to countries' development. However, other people hold the opposite opinion. MeGa
Every year, there are various sports competitions organize by different countries. Economists, leaders, and celebrities often debate if these events brought positive or negative developments for the countries. This essay agrees that it is one of the crucial factors to contribute to an individual nation's economy, and the following paragraphs will clearly articulate both sides of the arguments. On the one hand, organizing international competitions: Olympics, commonwealth games, etc. , boost the countries' economic growth. While holding sporting events in any country, it is unlikely to invite millions of audiences to watch their favorite sports players on the ground. Hence, people are ready to buy expensive tickets to get a lifetime experience. For example, in 2010, thousands of people bought expensive tickets to witness the world cup, and India benefitted from the money collected from sporting events. Therefore, these events are advantageous for the emerging market economy of sovereign nations. On the contrary, countries invest money in the maintenance and development of these places. Which can use in other developing areas such as education, transportation, etc. . If the respective building is demolished due to poor construction, it wastes millions of dollars of government income. Take a perfect example of commonwealth games, which held in India, and because of the lack of concern towards constructed material, the building diminished, left losses of one crore million dollars. Therefore, officials should pay high attention and take various considerations into account while organizing sporting events. To recapitulate, sports always have been one of the most crucial interests of people and each country could have several benefits by supporting and inviting players to their countries. However, organizations and governments should carefully analyze the essential factors to get maximum advantages from these events.
Every year, there are various sports competitions organize by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. Economists, leaders, and celebrities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
debate if these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
brought
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
developments for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
that it is one of the crucial factors to contribute to an individual nation's economy, and the following paragraphs will
clearly
articulate both sides of the arguments.

On the one hand, organizing international competitions: Olympics, commonwealth games, etc.
Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
,
boost the countries' economic growth. While holding sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
in any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, it is unlikely to invite millions of audiences to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
their favorite sports players on the ground.
Hence
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are ready to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
expensive tickets to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a lifetime experience.
For example
, in 2010, thousands of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
expensive tickets to witness the world cup, and India
Possible spelling mistake found.
benefitted
from the money collected from sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
.
Therefore
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
are advantageous for the emerging market economy of sovereign nations.

On the contrary
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
invest money in the maintenance and development of these places. Which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
in other developing areas such as education, transportation, etc.
Two consecutive dots
.
If the respective building
is demolished
due to poor construction, it wastes millions of dollars of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
income. Take a perfect example of commonwealth games, which held in India, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the lack of concern towards constructed material, the building diminished,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
losses of one crore
Use "a million" or use a number before 'million'.
million
dollars.
Therefore
, officials should pay high attention and take various considerations into account while organizing sporting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
.

To recapitulate, sports always have been one of the most crucial interests of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
could have several benefits by supporting and inviting players to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
However
, organizations and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should
carefully
analyze the essential factors to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
maximum advantages from these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
.
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IELTS essay Some people argue that holding sporting events is beneficial to countries' development. However, other people hold the opposite opinion.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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