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Organizing high-profile athletic events is considered to be advantageous by an overwhelming majority of people.

Organizing high-profile athletic events is considered to be advantageous by an overwhelming majority of people. 0Pd3
Organizing high-profile athletic events is considered to be advantageous by an overwhelming majority of people. Even though a number of individuals do not see eye to eye with this concept, I firmly believe that it will benefit both society and country economically. a number of people support the idea of hosting these mega events simply owing to the fact that they acknowledge their nation will become a tourist attraction. When the sports lovers, visit the places to enjoy games, then they will not only purchase tickets of matches, on the contrary also pay their bills of hotels which in turn benefit the local economy of that particular region. For example, 2010 Olympics held in London drew in thousands of sports fans who invested a big chunk of money to London; resultantly, it bolsters that province's economical condition by 20%. Besides, for hosting mega events, a large proportion of manpower is required who can arrange each and everything smoothly. This assists unemployed people to get jobs by being part of these occasions. Thus, these people are in favor of this phenomenon as it helps to accelerate the economy and the employment rate. Meanwhile, there are a number of masses who are in disharmony with this assertion. They are convinced that these high-profile sports events will not only impose security threats on the contrary also causes environmental distortion. From the starting of these grand functions to the end, the security of the nation is at stake, especially from opponents and terrorist. The host country oughts to deploy military force, around the clock investing the astronomical amount of finance. However, these individuals assert that these funds could be better utilized for ameliorating the other aspects of their states such as infrastructure, education and poverty-eradication strategies. Moreover, the people visiting to see such events use the things and throw wherever they want in light of the fact that they do not have feeling of ourselves towards that area which in turn degrade the natural beauty of that particular region. In short, taking these risks into account, a number of mortals strongly oppose this concept. Conclusively, despite the fact that organizing mega sports events bring a number of problems, I firmly regard it as a beneficial move.
Organizing high-profile athletic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
is considered
to be advantageous by an overwhelming majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Even though
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of individuals do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
eye to eye with this concept, I
firmly
believe that it will benefit both society and country
economically
.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
support the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of hosting these mega
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
simply
owing to the fact that they acknowledge their nation will become a tourist attraction. When the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
lovers, visit the places to enjoy games, then they will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
tickets of matches,
on the contrary
also
pay their bills of hotels which in turn benefit the local economy of that particular region.
For example
, 2010 Olympics held in London drew in thousands of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
fans who invested a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
chunk of money to London;
resultantly
, it bolsters that province's economical condition by 20%.
Besides
, for hosting mega
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
, a large proportion of manpower
is required
who can arrange each and everything
smoothly
. This assists unemployed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
jobs by being part of these occasions.
Thus
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are in favor of this phenomenon as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to accelerate the economy and the employment rate.

Meanwhile, there are a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of masses who are in disharmony with this assertion. They
are convinced
that these high-profile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
impose security threats
on the contrary
also
causes environmental distortion. From the starting of these grand functions to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, the security of the nation is at stake,
especially
from opponents and terrorist. The host country
Possible spelling mistake found.
oughts
to deploy military force, around the clock investing the astronomical amount of finance.
However
, these individuals assert that these funds could be better utilized for ameliorating the other aspects of their states such as infrastructure, education and poverty-eradication strategies.
Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
visiting to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the things and throw wherever they want in light of the fact that they do not have feeling of ourselves towards that area which in turn degrade the natural beauty of that particular region. In short, taking these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
into account, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of mortals
strongly
oppose this concept.

Conclusively
, despite the fact that organizing mega
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
bring a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of problems, I
firmly
regard it as a beneficial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
.
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IELTS essay Organizing high-profile athletic events is considered to be advantageous by an overwhelming majority of people.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
372 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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