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Some people argue that countries should host the international sports events while other says that such events are burden on the economy. Give examples from your experience.

Some people argue that countries should host the international sports events while other says that such events are burden on the economy. Give examples from your experience. 9L6B7
Sports are the basic source of entertainment for mankind for many centuries. Some people claim that hosting International sports events could generate major opportunities for their country, others see the other side of the coin. In my opinion, the state should host events with some regulations. On one hand, these International sports events are a source of income for the government revenue and local businesses. For instance, the PETA survey report shows that Japan's economy was boosted by 12% by foreigners who came to attend Olympics. Because of the increase in sales and hotel reservations. Furthermore, hosting international events could bring different nations close to each other, which expand culture and being a reason for tourists to revisit that country again and again. similarly, help to make states foreign policies stronger. For example, New Zealand host hundreds of thousands of cricket lover tourist every year even there is not a single match going to host. Because they come to visit that spots where their favourite players spend time. But despite all positives sides of hosting International sports events, we should also be aware of several things. Such as security threats. For evidence, in 2009 Pakistan was holding an International cricket event. But there was a terror attack imposed on the Sri Lanka cricket team's bus. After that incident, Pakistan banned from hosting any further events. So hosted country should have to provide maximum security to prevent these types of accidents. To encapsulate, countries should host International sports matches with some rules and regulations, not just as economical benefits but also there are lots of sports lover communities in every country.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sports
are the basic source of entertainment for mankind for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
centuries.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hosting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
International
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
could generate major opportunities for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the other side of the coin. In my opinion, the state should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
host
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
regulations.

On one hand, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
International
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
are a source of income for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
revenue and local businesses.
For instance
, the PETA survey report
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that Japan's economy
was boosted
by 12% by foreigners who came to attend Olympics.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of the increase in sales and hotel reservations.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hosting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
could bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
nations close to each other, which expand culture and being a reason for tourists to revisit that
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country
again and again.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
similarly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
states foreign policies stronger.
For example
, New Zealand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
host
hundreds of thousands of cricket lover tourist every year even there is not a single match going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
host
.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to visit that spots where their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
players spend time.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
despite all positives sides of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hosting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
International
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
, we should
also
be aware of several things. Such as security threats. For evidence, in 2009 Pakistan was holding an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
International
cricket
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
there was a terror attack imposed on the Sri Lanka cricket team's bus. After that incident, Pakistan banned from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hosting
any
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
hosted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
should
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
provide maximum security to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
these types of accidents.

To encapsulate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
host
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
International
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
matches with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and regulations, not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
as
Did you mean "economic" (=connected with economy)?
economical
benefits
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
there are lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
lover communities in every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
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IELTS essay Some people argue that countries should host the international sports events while other says that such events are burden on the economy. Give examples from your experience.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
270 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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