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Some people believe that education in certain countries do not cater to the economic needs of society. What are the drawbacks of this education system and mention some solutions.

Some people believe that education in certain countries do not cater to the economic needs of society. What are the drawbacks of this education system and mention some solutions. OV6wM
Education is a solution to almost every worry of a nation yet there some denizens of few countries believe that it does not serve the economic aspect, because of the poorly designed education system. The following paragraphs will discuss the possible reasons for such a problem and propose a handful of remedial measures. To embark with, the conspicuous rationale as to why schooling is not fruitful for society, because the cost of it is quite high that everyone cannot afford it, consequently, rise in illiteracy and less number of people working towards the development of the province. For example, In countries like Afghanistan, parents prefer to send their children to do labour jobs because they cannot pay the school fee. Sadly, those children may never have any future to come out of this vicious cycle. Another contributing factor is the lack of white-collar jobs in a country, which results in most graduates migrate to another country with better jobs and life. Therefore, the aforementioned reasons depict a clear picture of why education is not fulfiling the wealthy needs of certain countries. Undoubtedly, every lock has a key. Similarly, some solutions should be implemented to overcome this issue too. Firstly, tuition fee should be as low as possible if authorities cannot afford to make it free, so that the maximum number of people can be benefitted from it. For instance, free studies or lesser fee will help the majority of citizens to get a chance to graduate and eventually drive the nation towards its betterment. In addition this, it is a responsibility of government to create better jobs, so that they can give a reason to their youth not to move to western countries and help build a better place. Hence, it makes it apparent by implementing a better system can help to solve a state's economic problems. To conclude, in consideration of the above analysis it is ostensible to say that with the best foot forward from citizens and government such an issue can be tackled and solve many forthcoming crisis.
Education is a solution to almost every worry of a nation
yet
there
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
denizens of few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
believe that it does not serve the economic aspect,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
poorly
designed education system. The following paragraphs will discuss the possible reasons for such a problem and propose a handful of remedial measures.

To embark with, the conspicuous rationale as to why schooling is not fruitful for society,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the cost of it is quite high that everyone cannot afford it,
consequently
, rise in illiteracy and less number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
working towards the development of the province.
For example
, In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
like Afghanistan, parents prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
their children to do
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they cannot pay the school fee.
Sadly
, those children may never have any future to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
out of this vicious cycle. Another contributing factor is the lack of white-collar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, which results in most graduates migrate to another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
and life.
Therefore
, the aforementioned reasons depict a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
picture of why education is not
Possible spelling mistake found.
fulfiling
the wealthy needs of certain countries.

Undoubtedly
, every lock has a key.
Similarly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions should
be implemented
to overcome this issue too.
Firstly
, tuition fee should be as low as possible if authorities cannot afford to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it free,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the maximum number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can be
Possible spelling mistake found.
benefitted
from it.
For instance
, free studies or lesser fee will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the majority of citizens to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a chance to graduate and
eventually
drive the nation towards its betterment. In
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
addition
this, it is a responsibility of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to create
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can give a reason to their youth not to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to western
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
build a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
place.
Hence
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it apparent by implementing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
system can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to solve a state's economic problems.

To conclude
, in consideration of the above analysis it is ostensible to say that with the best foot forward from citizens and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
such an issue can
be tackled
and solve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
forthcoming crisis.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that education in certain countries do not cater to the economic needs of society. What are the drawbacks of this education system and mention some solutions.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
341 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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