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Some doctors suggest that old age people should do exercise, but they are not doing so. What are the causes and solutions of it.

Some doctors suggest that old age people should do exercise, but they are not doing so. What are the causes and solutions of it. OAQ3
It is an undeniable fact that everyone wants to be fit and fine, nowadays. Therefore, many healthcare professionals propose that grey-haired people had better do exercise, however they are not able to do so. The upcoming paragraphs will explain some possible reasons behind this situation and along with it, few remedies will also find a mention. To start with, one of the most plausible reasons is lack of awareness among elderly people. To explain it, when people do not have enough knowledge about the importance of workout, then they spend their leisure time by means of some unhealthy habits: doing gossip and watching television by sitting in one place. Thus, they suffer from poor physical fitness, making them prone to many life-threatening health problems. Hypertension is a case in point. Unavailability of fitness centres, moreover, is also responsible for this phenomenon among old age people because they do not get proper space and training to do exercise. Fortunately, there are as many solutions as many causes. Firstly, law makers ought to organise health awareness campaigns, where people must be taught to do daily exercise and its positive outcomes in the terms of well-being. For example, burning of extra calories. Last but not least, gyms and some other fitness centres must be constructed in every city or village at no cost, so that elderly people can easily access them. Hence, such population will stay sound not only physically but also mentally. In conclusion, while there are numerous reasons which trigger this situation, the above-stated solutions can act as a boon to improve this situation such as awareness and easy availability of workout facilities.
It is an undeniable fact that everyone wants to
be fit
and fine, nowadays.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
healthcare professionals propose that
Possible spelling mistake found.
grey-haired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
had better do exercise,
however
they are not able to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
. The upcoming paragraphs will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
possible reasons behind this situation and along with it, few remedies will
also
find a mention.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, one of the most plausible reasons is lack of awareness among elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
it, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
knowledge about the importance of workout, then they spend their leisure time by means of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
unhealthy habits: doing gossip and watching television by sitting in one place.
Thus
, they suffer from poor physical fitness, making them prone to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
life-threatening health problems. Hypertension is a case in point. Unavailability of fitness
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
,
moreover
, is
also
responsible for this phenomenon among
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
proper space and training
Did you mean "doing"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'train' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to do
exercise.

Fortunately
, there are as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
solutions as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
causes.
Firstly
, law makers ought to
Possible spelling mistake. 'organise' is British English.
organise
health awareness campaigns, where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be taught
to do daily exercise and its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
outcomes in the terms of well-being.
For example
, burning of extra calories. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, gyms and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other fitness
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be constructed
in every city or village at no cost,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
easily
access them.
Hence
, such population will stay sound not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
physically
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
mentally.

In conclusion
, while there are numerous reasons which trigger this situation, the above-stated solutions can act as a boon to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
this situation such as awareness and easy availability of workout facilities.

IELTS essay Some doctors suggest that old age people should do exercise, but they are not doing so. What are the causes and solutions of it.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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