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Some consider that juveniles who commit severe crimes must be punished the same as adults . To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

Some consider that juveniles who commit severe crimes must be punished the same as adults. Bak89
Crime is rising from year to year, the example for this even juveniles began robbing, stealing and other types of crime. Meanwhile some people agree with the idea penalising young people as the same as adults. In my opinion, this could be seen as a good concept for the following reasons. On the one hand, the reasons why punishments are necessity for the social behaviour are varied. For instance, there would be put to prison or pay a tine who have broken a law contained. But, inserting this movements over juveniles would be as a severity for them. By contrast, people must help them in every aspects of life, it may be financial or spiritual. If people give a hand for teenagers for creating their business, it would an example as solution. On the other hand, one of the reasons for this bad behaviour must be poor care of parents and teachers. Even aggravated criminals do what their parents said, unless mothers and fathers correct their mistakes and don't bring up their children, there would be scenarios as mentioned above. Also teachers have a main role in the life of juveniles, as a proof of this pupil spend their most of the time in the school, and the responsibility over them given for teachers. This means, teachers guilty either for this situations. In conclusion, if parents and teachers support and give more attention for young generations, there no need any situation to punishments. I believe that, stand by advising to minors to replace punishments is obviously an important step forward.
Crime is rising from year to year, the example for this even juveniles began robbing, stealing and other types of crime.
Meanwhile
some
people
agree
with the
idea
penalising
young
people
as the same as adults. In my opinion, this could be
seen
as a
good
concept for the following reasons.

On the one hand, the reasons why punishments are necessity for the social
behaviour
are varied
.
For instance
, there would
be put
to prison or pay a tine who have broken a law contained.
But
, inserting this movements over juveniles would be as a severity for them. By contrast,
people
must
help
them in every
aspects
of life, it may be financial or spiritual. If
people
give a hand for
teenagers
for creating their business, it would an example as solution.

On the other hand
, one of the reasons for this
bad
behaviour
must
be poor care of parents and
teachers
. Even aggravated criminals do what their parents said, unless mothers and fathers correct their mistakes and don't bring up their children, there would be scenarios as mentioned above.
Also
teachers
have a main role in the life of juveniles, as a proof of this pupil spend their most of the time in the school, and the responsibility over them
given
for
teachers
. This means,
teachers
guilty either for
this
situations.

In conclusion
, if parents and
teachers
support and give more attention for young generations, there no need any situation to punishments. I believe that, stand by advising to minors to replace punishments is
obviously
an
important
step forward.
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IELTS essay Some consider that juveniles who commit severe crimes must be punished the same as adults.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
260 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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