Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some celebrities are famous because of their wealth and glamour. Some people believe they can set a bad example for young people. Do you agree or disagree?

Some celebrities are famous because of their wealth and glamour. Some people believe they can set a bad example for young people. m1MPL
Nowadays, every individual is known because of their glamour and money, likewise, a few superstars. However, many people have thoughts that this can be a negative impact on youths. Ergo, I am convinced with this trend due to valid evidence. To begin with, the following renowned personality makes younger people spendthrift. This is because, every teenager wanted to look attractive, so they start copying apply their own role model by which they spend their lots of money. Even, these days every new fashion is set by the leading lights. For instance, a survey was held in Paris, in which it was discussed that 80% of the improvident behaviour is shown by the youth which is obsessed with the famous personality. Hence, this is a bad example for people because they are not able to save their money. Moreover, superstar influence young citizens towards failure. As every person have their one role model to which they are following on social media from which they get inspiration and motivation to do some tt. But, that result can affect their future because celebrities get the appreciation of doing such activities whereas, normal people do not get any single credit for the same task. Therefore, many children lose their abilities and talent of doing it, also, many of the faces from depression at an early age. For example, ab article was published in 'Times Of India ' in which it was stated that a large number of students are facing problems In their studies and other curricular activities because they are not given any credit for their performance. Thus, celebrities are impacting negatively to pupils. Furthermore, by watching movies related to crime and drugs, younger people get more interested In it which can be the worst example for them. As on such age, a teenager is not able to think properly what is right or not. Therefore, there can he more juvenile delinquency which can ruin their future. For illustration, by watching adults movies and others in which there is the consumption of drugs is shown can impact on youngsters towards it. Also, in the survey, there were 60% of a teenager who was addicted to drugs and crime because of some movies. Hence, big names are becoming a bad example for the new generation. In conclusion, youngsters are following blindly to renowned personality and they are not guided properly. So, they are getting a bad effect from the leading lights like becoming spendthrift, consumption of drugs and getting depressed.
Nowadays, every individual
is known
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their glamour and money,
likewise
, a few superstars.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have thoughts that this can be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on youths. Ergo, I
am convinced
with this trend due to valid evidence.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the following renowned personality
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spendthrift. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
wanted to look attractive,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
copying apply their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
role model by which they spend their lots of money. Even, these days every new fashion
is set
by the leading lights.
For instance
, a survey
was held
in Paris, in which it
was discussed
that 80% of the improvident
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
is shown
by the youth which
is obsessed
with the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
personality.
Hence
, this is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are not able to save their money.

Moreover
, superstar influence young citizens towards failure. As every person have their one role model to which they are following on social media from which they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
inspiration and motivation to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Possible spelling mistake found.
tt
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, that result can affect their future
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
celebrities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the appreciation of doing such activities whereas, normal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
any single credit for the same task.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
children lose their abilities and talent of doing it,
also
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of the faces from depression at an early age. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
, ab article
was published
in 'Times Of India
Don't put a space on both sides of a quote symbol
'
in which it
was stated
that
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
students are facing problems In their studies and other curricular activities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
any credit for their performance.
Thus
, celebrities are impacting
negatively
to pupils.

Furthermore
, by watching movies related to crime and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
, younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more interested In it which can be the worst
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
for them. As on such age, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
is not able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
properly
what is right or not.
Therefore
, there can
It seems that a verb is missing after "he". Please verify.
he
more juvenile delinquency which can ruin their future. For illustration, by watching adults movies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
in which there is the consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
is shown
can impact on youngsters towards it.
Also
, in the survey, there were 60% of a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
who
was addicted
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
and crime
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
movies.
Hence
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
names are becoming a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
for the new generation.

In conclusion
, youngsters are following
blindly
to renowned
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
personality and
they are not guided
properly
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they are getting a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
effect from the leading lights like becoming spendthrift, consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
and getting depressed.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay Some celebrities are famous because of their wealth and glamour. Some people believe they can set a bad example for young people.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
416 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts