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Some believe that more action should be taken to prevent crime, while others feel that crime is being tackled effectively now. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion

Some believe that more action should be taken to prevent crime, while others feel that crime is being tackled effectively now. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion rMk6
People have different views about what effective measures can be introduced to reduce the risk of crimes occurring. While some people argue that the existing legislation and public law enforcement agencies are enough for deterring crimes, others believe that more measures and strategies should be created. I support the latter view. According to the first position, legislation that has been developed by the state authorities and the multi-tier structure of the state law enforcement agencies contributeS to civil safety. This position is based on the following grounds, the general positive dynamics in the process of crime detection due to the highly professional officials who work at law enforcement agencies, who act under the legally prescribed rules, to protect society from criminals. Particularly, such officials actively perform criminal investigations to identify the criminal personality and bring them to liability. For instance, some cases are lively revealed in criminal daily chronicles by the media, presumably, for the sake of enhancing people's belief in the power of law and law enforcement agencies. Contrary to the opponents, I support those who argue that the current crime rate in some regions is quite high, what in turns, demands strengthening efforts from the authority. The authorities mostly focus more on developing a law enforcement system itself, rather than designing systems to control crimes and prevent them. To effectively address this issue, firstly should improve general social life conditions, which is the first driver of crime. Providing more illumination or video-recording of public places, advising people on how to act in violent cases, cooperating with civil society organizations are also good strategies for this goal. In conclusion, although some people believe that both legislation system and law enforcement activity are enough to prevent violence, I am in solidarity with the opposite views that the authorities should integrate much more measures in favor of civil safety.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views about what effective measures can
be introduced
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
occurring. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that the existing legislation and public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enforcement
agencies are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
for deterring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
, others believe that more measures and strategies should
be created
. I support the latter view.

According to the
first
position, legislation that has
been developed
by the state
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
authorities
and the multi-tier structure of the state
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enforcement
agencies
Possible spelling mistake found.
contributeS
to civil safety. This position
is based
on the following grounds, the general
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
dynamics in the process of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
detection due to the
highly
professional officials who work at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enforcement
agencies, who act under the
legally
prescribed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
, to protect society from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
.
Particularly
, such officials
actively
perform
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
investigations to identify the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
personality and bring them to liability.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases are lively revealed in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
daily chronicles by the media, presumably, for the sake of enhancing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's belief in the power of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enforcement
agencies.

Contrary to the opponents, I support those who argue that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
regions is quite high, what in turns, demands strengthening efforts from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
authority
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
authorities
mostly
focus more on developing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enforcement
system itself,
rather
than designing systems to control
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
them. To
effectively
address this issue,
firstly
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
general social life conditions, which is the
first
driver of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. Providing more illumination or video-recording of public places, advising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
on how to act in violent cases, cooperating with civil society organizations are
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
strategies for this goal.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that both legislation system and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enforcement
activity are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
violence, I am in solidarity with the opposite views that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
authorities
should integrate much more measures in favor of civil safety.
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IELTS essay Some believe that more action should be taken to prevent crime, while others feel that crime is being tackled effectively now. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
308 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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