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Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealths among poorer nations by provoding such things as food and education? Or is it the responsibility of the governments of poorer nations to look after their citizens themselves?

Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealths among poorer nations by provoding such things as food and education? Or is it the responsibility of the governments of poorer nations to look after their citizens themselves? g5yod
Nowadays some people die in a number of countries from wealthiness and also from poorness. Poor people of weak countries often die but neither governer of these countries care about their lives nor the developed countries. People do not take responsibility for being people and also people are not people if they are not from their countries, on the contrary, they treat them like aliens. Developed countries must ask to their self “How we became so big and strong country? ”. Actually, they do not need it as they know the answer of their question and it has so simple answer -exhausting- also, they should not think like because we are skillful, we are intelligent, we are fore-sight people but this is a huge lie, you are cruel, therefore, just they think about “How these people can be useful for us, how we can use their weakness? ”. Your country does not have so skillful or intelligent people since you had it you would not bring people from poor countries to support your country. Developed countries must take responsibililty for what they did in the past. Poor countries also must care about their people, they must not be the dog of other developed countries and they should be together not parted on their inside. On the contrary of improving their own country, they are being more harmful. Undeveloped countries must wake up and take care of their people so they must not think about “Why we are in this situation, how happened that’s all? ” because all these questions are needless. They must think about “How this country can improve, how we can give better conditions to our people? ” and must answer these questions not repeat these all questions again and again. In conclusion, the developed countries must not forget about what they did and help the people who result of what of they did. In addition, the poor countries must do what have to do.
Nowadays
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some
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people
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die
in a number of
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countries
from wealthiness and
also
from poorness. Poor
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people
of weak
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countries
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often
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die
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but
neither
Possible spelling mistake found.
governer
of these
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countries
care about their
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lives
nor the
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developed
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countries
.
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People
do not take responsibility for being
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people
and
also
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people
are not
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people
if they are not from their
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countries
,
on the contrary
, they treat them like aliens.

Developed
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countries
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must
This is a collocation error. You do not need a preposition after 'ask'. Remove it: "ask".
ask to
their self “How we became
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so
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big
and strong
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country
? ”. Actually, they do not need it as they know the answer of their
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question
and it has
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so
simple answer -exhausting-
also
, they should not
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think
like
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because
we are skillful, we are intelligent, we are fore-sight
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people
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but
this is a huge lie, you are cruel,
therefore
,
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just
they
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think
about “How these
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people
can be useful for us, how we can
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use
their weakness? ”. Your
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country
does not have
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so
skillful or intelligent
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people
since you had it you would not bring
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people
from poor
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countries
to support your
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country
.
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Developed
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countries
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must
take
Possible spelling mistake found.
responsibililty
for what they did in the past.

Poor
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countries
also
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must
care about their
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people
, they
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must
not be the dog of other
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developed
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
countries and
they should be together not parted on their inside.
On the contrary
of improving their
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own
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country
, they are being more harmful. Undeveloped
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countries
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must
wake up and take care of their
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people
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so
they
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must
not
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think
about “Why we are in this situation, how happened that’s all? ”
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because
all these
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questions
are needless. They
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must
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think
about “How this
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country
can
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improve
, how we can give better conditions to our
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people
? ” and
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must
answer these
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questions
not repeat these all
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questions
again and again.

In conclusion
, the
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developed
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countries
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must
not forget about what they did and
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help
the
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people
who result of what of they did.
In addition
, the poor
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countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
do what
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do.
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IELTS essay Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealths among poorer nations by provoding such things as food and education? Or is it the responsibility of the governments of poorer nations to look after their citizens themselves?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
327 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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