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should school be compulsory?

Education is always the most actual discussion topic in our world. There is a contrast that whether schools must be obligatory or children can be educated at their homes. Personally, I firmly hold the opinion that schools must be compulsory for every child regardless of his/her financial level. First and foremost, school atmosphere makes students more extravert and open-minded. It should be noted that group works which demand students to work collaboratively, and students who participated in these projects are more successful in both career and educational life. To cite an example, in the 1980s scientists started a new research about the difference between homeschooled children and students who were educated at school. At the end of the research the results were unbelievable, poor students` marks surpassed well-to-do pupils` scores who were studying with the help of more than 20 teachers. As a result, they decided the main factor which leads to these condition is team works and study-buddy project. When everything is taken into consideration, it is obvious that nothing can be equivalent to school education. Secondly, schools provide numerous technical facilities and laboratory equipments which are not sold in anywhere, only the government sends it to the schools. There is no doubt that these equipments have a big contribution to the success of lessons. For instance, in California students were attracted to a pilot project. They separated into 2 groups, then the students were thought the same chemical topic, but in different methods. The first group`s teachers educated their pupils in auditory way for 2 hours, contrarily, the second group did only chemical experiments for 15 minutes. At the end of this investigation, despite the time difference, the first group`s scores could not catch the second`s, let alone surpassing the second group. At the end, it proves the proverb "seeing once is better than hearing 100 times" To sum up, however families interest abour homeschooling is increasing day by day, nobody can exactly answer that is the homeschooling more efficient than educating in schools. Because of aforesaid reasons, I strongly believe that homeschooling can not provide sufficient education, that`s why, schools must be mandatory.
Education is always the most actual discussion topic in our world. There is a contrast that whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be obligatory or children can
be educated
at their homes.
Personally
, I
firmly
hold the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be compulsory for every child regardless of his/her financial level.

First
and foremost,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
atmosphere
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
more extravert and open-minded. It should
be noted
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
works which demand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to work
collaboratively
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who participated in these projects are more successful in both career and educational life. To cite an example, in the 1980s scientists
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
a new research about the difference between homeschooled children and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who
were educated
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. At the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the research the results were unbelievable, poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students`
marks surpassed well-to-do pupils` scores who were studying with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of more than 20 teachers.
As a result
, they decided the main factor which leads to these condition is team works and study-buddy project. When everything
is taken
into consideration, it is obvious that nothing can be equivalent to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
education.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
provide numerous technical facilities and laboratory equipments which are not sold in anywhere,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sends
it to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
. There is no doubt that these equipments have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
contribution to the success of lessons.
For instance
, in California
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
were attracted
to a pilot project. They separated into 2
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
, then the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
the same chemical topic,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
methods. The
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group`s
teachers educated their pupils in auditory way for 2 hours,
contrarily
, the second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
did
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
chemical experiments for 15 minutes. At the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of this investigation, despite the time difference, the
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group`s
scores could not catch the second`s,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
alone surpassing the second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
. At the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, it proves the proverb "seeing once is better than hearing 100 times"

To sum up,
however
families interest abour homeschooling is increasing day by day, nobody can exactly answer
that is
the homeschooling more efficient than educating in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of aforesaid reasons, I
strongly
believe that homeschooling can not provide sufficient education, that`s why,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be mandatory.
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IELTS essay should school be compulsory?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
356 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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