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Should individual limit the use of car and use alternative things instead to protect environment?

Should individual limit the use of car and use alternative things instead to protect environment? pRb8m
Car usage have significantly increased in the last century. There is an ongoing debate among people that car usage should be limited in order to not harm the environment. This essay will discuss how use of car is harmful for the environment. First of all, gases are released by the combustion of fuel in the engine. These gases, especially carbon dioxide is extremely detrimental for the ozone layer and is resulting in global warming. For example, due to melting of glaciers there has been a surge in floods all over the world. Therefore, the consequences of car usage should be realised before its too late. Secondly, high demand of fuel is created by use of car and results in further drilling in the oceans for procuring of the oil which is later converted in the fuel for the car. This means that marine life is disturbed in the oceans and as a result some of the species are becoming extinct. For instance, blue whale population has significantly reduced in the oceans and they are on verge of extinction. The negative effects of car usage can again be seen. In conclusion, car usage results in the release of gases and put pressure on demand of fuel consumption. In my opinion, alternate means of transport should be used in our daily life so that our environment can be protected.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Car
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
usage
have
significantly
increased in the last century. There is an ongoing debate among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
usage
should
be limited
in order to not harm the environment. This essay will discuss how
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
is harmful for the environment.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, gases
are released
by the combustion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuel
in the engine. These gases,
especially
carbon dioxide is
extremely
detrimental for the ozone layer and is resulting in global warming.
For example
, due to melting of glaciers there has been a surge in floods all over the world.
Therefore
, the consequences of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
usage
should be
Possible spelling mistake. 'realised' is British English.
realised
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
Did you mean "it's" (="it is") instead of 'its' (possessive pronoun)?
its
too late.

Secondly
, high demand of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuel
is created
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
and results in
further
drilling in the oceans for procuring of the oil which is later converted in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuel
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
. This means that marine life
is disturbed
in the oceans and
as a result
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
species are becoming extinct.
For instance
, blue whale population has
significantly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
in the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
oceans and
they are on verge of extinction. The
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
usage
can again be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
usage
results in the release of gases and put pressure on demand of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuel
consumption. In my opinion, alternate means of transport should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in our daily life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that our environment can
be protected
.
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IELTS essay Should individual limit the use of car and use alternative things instead to protect environment?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
227 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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