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Several people in the society believe that professional sportsmen or sportswomen can act inappropriately on and off the ground if they are playing great and getting medals for their countries. What is your opinion?

Several people in the society believe that professional sportsmen or sportswomen can act inappropriately on and off the ground if they are playing great and getting medals for their countries. What is your opinion? PWjDj
Several people in the society believe that professional sportsmen or sportswomen can act inappropriately on and off the ground if they are playing great and getting medals for their countries. Being a sports participant, I strongly disagree with this fact, as athletes are role model to many people in the country, especially the youngsters. Also, they represent the nation and maintaining the reputation of the country is in their hands. Athletes misbehaving on the ground can largely influence the minds of the young generation, as youngsters follow them and usually try to imitate their role models. This may lead to violence and misconduct in the society. There should always be a fair play between the teams, having healthy rivalry is good as it boosts your confidence, but it should not cross the limits. Recently, my nephew had a fight in his school while playing cricket, and later he admitted that his ideal sportsperson also behaves in a similar way on the ground. In my opinion, it is very much important for a sports person to maintain their ethics and standard which indeed helps young minds to learn from them. Another important fact is that athletes represent the country, and their utmost responsibility is to preserve the image of the nation. They not only have to think for themselves but also for the entire nation. These professional sports people are always crowded by the media, so they must be very cautious while behaving on and off the ground. How can we forget that a popular cricket team was banned for 2 consecutive years due to their misbehavior on the pitch while playing for the World cup? Therefore, such kind of misconduct can lead to have detrimental effects for the nation. In my point of view, behavior is one of the essential factors which ultimately reflects the attitude. Irrespective of how good an individual is in a specific sport; I firmly disagree on the ignorance of their misconduct or any inappropriate act on and off the ground.
Several
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the society believe that professional sportsmen or sportswomen can act
inappropriately
on and off the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ground
if they are playing great and getting medals for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. Being a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
participant, I
strongly
disagree with this fact, as athletes are role model to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
,
especially
the youngsters.
Also
, they represent the nation and maintaining the reputation of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is in their hands.

Athletes misbehaving on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ground
can
largely
influence the minds of the young generation, as youngsters follow them and
usually
try to imitate their role models. This may lead to violence and misconduct in the society. There should always be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
play between the teams, having healthy rivalry is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
as it boosts your confidence,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it should not cross the limits. Recently, my nephew had a fight in his school while playing cricket, and later he admitted that his ideal sportsperson
also
behaves
Consider replacing "in a similar way" with the adverb for "similar"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a similar way
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ground
. In my opinion, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
much
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
person to maintain their ethics and standard which
indeed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
young minds to learn from them.

Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
fact is that athletes represent the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, and their utmost responsibility is to preserve the image of the nation. They not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
for themselves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
for the entire nation. These professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are always crowded by the media,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
cautious while behaving on and off the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ground
. How can we forget that a popular cricket team
was banned
for 2 consecutive years due to their misbehavior on the pitch while playing for the World cup?
Therefore
, such kind of misconduct can lead to have detrimental effects for the nation.

In my point of view, behavior is one of the essential factors which
ultimately
reflects the attitude.

Irrespective of how
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
an individual is in a specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
; I
firmly
disagree on the ignorance of their misconduct or any inappropriate act on and off the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ground
.

IELTS essay Several people in the society believe that professional sportsmen or sportswomen can act inappropriately on and off the ground if they are playing great and getting medals for their countries. What is your opinion?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
335 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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