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Second, playing video games can adversely affect students’ mental and physical health.

Second, playing video games can adversely affect students’ mental and physical health. jR1Vd
Second, playing video games can adversely affect students’ mental and physical health. To elucidate this point, video games mainly contains inappropriate contents which have adverse effects on students’ mind. Indeed, those games full violent scenes, and young students tend to imitate those actions. Therefore, students will be aggressive in their life. Furthermore, if young students spend a great deal of time playing video games, they will sit in front of electronic devices for a long time. Owing to the sedentary lifestyle, students are more likely exposed to a lot of chronic diseases. Back to my example. Because my cousin played video games for a long time, and he did not do any physical activity, he became overweight which brought chronic disease. Finally, he loses his eyes sight owing to diabetes. In fact, the more playing video games, the less having a healthy life. From what I have discussed above, one can reach a conclusion playing video games affect children adversely. It is because make children addictive about playing video games, and because playing video games have negative consequences on students health.
Second,
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playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
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games
can
adversely
affect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
mental and physical health. To elucidate this point,
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video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
mainly
contains inappropriate contents which have adverse effects on
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students’
mind.
Indeed
, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
full violent scenes, and young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
tend to imitate those actions.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will be aggressive in their life.
Furthermore
, if young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
spend a great deal of time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, they will sit in front of electronic devices for a long time. Owing to the sedentary lifestyle,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are more likely exposed to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
chronic diseases. Back to my example.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
my cousin played
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
for a long time, and he did not do any physical activity, he became overweight which brought chronic disease.
Finally
, he loses his eyes sight owing to diabetes. In fact, the more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, the less having a healthy life.

From what I have discussed above, one can reach a conclusion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
affect children
adversely
. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
children addictive about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences on
Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean "students'" or "student's"?
students
health.
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IELTS essay Second, playing video games can adversely affect students’ mental and physical health.

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
181 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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