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Scientists believe that by studying behaviour of 3 years old children, we can predict if that child can become criminal in the future. To what extent is crime a product of human nature? Is it possible to stop children from growing to be a criminal?

In recent years, an increasing number of people has been concerning about the main factors that result in children becoming a criminal in the future. While some individuals believe that these hereditary characteristics of young children are the key to commit crime, the others think that the external factors influence children’s development and their characteristics in adulthood. On the one hand, I believe that crime is a result of bad person’s nature, which shapes behaviors profoundly in earlier life. If kids have bad habits or actions such as bullying others and joking from the young age, they will seem easier to become a criminal later in life. Furthermore, youngsters who have bad characteristics including laziness and selfishness may commit crime to get what they want without working hard because of stealing from others or destroying others' lives. This demonstrates that people who are born with an innate negative human nature are likely to be charged for crimes. On the other hand, I think that external factors related to upbringing and education play a pivotal role in the development of children in the years to come. The first one is lacking of parental guidance and attention that cannot help young children distinguish right from wrong. Therefore, kids are not aware of their behaviors and they might do anything they like. The second element is living in hostile environment namely parental divorce or breaking family when kids were growing up, which is a result for being bad resident. By contrast, children who are raised in a healthy and educational environment often grow to be ethical citizens. In conclusion, I believe that both external factors and internal elements influence on children behaviors. It is recommended that people must not underestimate the significance of their guidance and education for children.
In recent years, an increasing number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
has been concerning about the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
that result in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
becoming a criminal in the future. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals believe that these hereditary characteristics of young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are the key to commit crime, the others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the external
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
influence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
development and their characteristics in adulthood.

On the one hand, I believe that crime is a result of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
person’s nature, which shapes behaviors
profoundly
in earlier life. If kids have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
habits or actions such as bullying others and joking from the young age, they will seem easier to become a criminal later in life.
Furthermore
, youngsters who have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
characteristics including laziness and selfishness may commit crime to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
what they want without working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of stealing from others or destroying others'
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. This demonstrates that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
are born
with an innate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
human nature are likely to
be charged
for crimes.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that external
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
related to upbringing and education play a pivotal role in the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in the years to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
. The
first
one is lacking of parental guidance and attention that cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
distinguish right from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
.
Therefore
, kids are not aware of their
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
behaviors and
they might do anything they like. The second element is living in hostile environment
namely
parental divorce or breaking family when kids were growing up, which is a result for being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
resident. By contrast,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
are raised
in a healthy and educational environment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
grow to be ethical citizens.

In conclusion
, I believe that both external
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
and internal elements influence on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
behaviors. It
is recommended
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not underestimate the significance of their guidance and education for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
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IELTS essay Scientists believe that by studying behaviour of 3 years old children, we can predict if that child can become criminal in the future. Is it possible to stop children from growing to be a criminal?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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