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Scientists and technology experts seem to be more valued by modern society than musicians and artists in many countries. To what extent do you think that it is true? What could be the possible reasons for that?

Scientists and technology experts seem to be more valued by modern society than musicians and artists in many countries. What could be the possible reasons for that? r8l7n
According to some people science and technology professional get more respect than arts and musicians. I agree with this statement. Science and technology profession creates more jobs opportunities than arts and musicians. In my opinion this trend will be remain the same. There are several reasons behind why people give preference to science and technology rather than arts, because it is provides many career opportunities around the globe as well as it is pays well. With this reason, most of the parents wants their child to study in science or technology, not in arts. They think that when their child will grew up. Consequently, he can get good job with high wage. However, this is not the case in arts or music, we all are witness that arts does not provide neither good career prospects nor high salary. Therefore, they have to work in different field to fullfill their basic necessities. In addition, not all musicians can not enter into music industry. To tackle this issue, government needs to focus in this field with as well as science and technology. Governments should open more musicians to show some great painting of painters. When they will do that more tourist will attract to see this art. For this reason, they can get more income for their selve and for the government. For example, indian traditional dance is world famous now plus it is provides lot of jobs with God pays to many people. This happened because of indian goverment created more chances for many people related to it. To conclude, no doubt, science and technology mostly preferred by many people people compared to arts and this trend will be continue throughout the years. To create more chances in arts and music government needs to do something to provide good career prospects. So, this can change the mentality of people.
According to
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science
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technology
professional
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get
more respect than
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agree
with this statement.
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profession creates more jobs opportunities than
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arts
and
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musicians
. In my opinion this trend will be
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remain
the same. There are several reasons behind why
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people
give preference to
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science
and
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technology
rather
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,
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provides
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many
career opportunities around the globe
as well
as it is pays well. With this reason, most of the parents wants their child to study in
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science
or
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technology
, not in
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arts
. They
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think
that when their child will
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grew
up.
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get
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good
job with high wage.
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, this is not the case in
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arts
or music, we all are witness that
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arts
does not
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provide
neither
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good
career prospects nor high salary.
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, they
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have to
work in
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different
field to
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fullfill
their
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basic necessities
.
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musicians
can not enter into music industry. To tackle this issue,
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government
needs to
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focus in
this field with
as well
as
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science
and
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technology
.
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should open more
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musicians
to
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show
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some
great painting of painters.
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When
they will do that more tourist will attract to
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see
this
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art
.
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, they can
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get
more income for their
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selve
and for the
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government
.
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,
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indian
traditional dance is world
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now
plus it is
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lot of
jobs with God pays to
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many
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people
. This happened
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because
of
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indian
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goverment
created more chances for
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many
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people
related to it.
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, no doubt,
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science
and
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technology
mostly
preferred by
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many
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people
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people
compared to
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arts
and this trend will be
Consider using the past participle "continued"?
continue
throughout the years. To create more chances in
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arts
and music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
needs to do something to
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provide
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
career prospects.
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So
, this can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the mentality of
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people
.
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IELTS essay Scientists and technology experts seem to be more valued by modern society than musicians and artists in many countries. What could be the possible reasons for that?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
308 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
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  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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