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schools should teach students about specific careers and jobs instead of general subjects

schools should teach students about specific careers and jobs instead of general subjects doDLE
Nowadays, the prevailing attitude toward education is students should learn a variety of subject. But todays by emerging many sciences, we need more specialists that it results in a job-oriented education. In my viewpoint, schools should make professionals for future jobs. At first, some material that is thought in school is not necessary for special major and soon the students forget these subjects. Also they do not act well in these areas since they know they do not use it later. Therefore, they seems waste their time at these classes. For example, Industrial engineering students do not need to know about poem or literature. And when universities force them to get these courses, students do not incline to have a good performance on the classes. Consequently, learning general subjects waste the students' time in which they could be more efficient. As a second reason, learning material must tailor with job future and universities should prepare their students for future careers. So, it is reasonable to teach them job-oriented subjects. Hands-on education contributes to have experts for science- oriented job that are able to tackle with specific subject matter in which others do not have capability to solve it. Take a gain an industrial engineer as an example. He is specialist in his career and a mechanical engineer cannot replace with him in a factory or give special advice tailored to the problem related to industrial. In conclusion, school should prepare students for future job. They must put a great importance on students' time and devise a curriculum for their major that it does not waste students time. I strongly believe schools should teach students a job-oriented subject instead of general ones.
Nowadays, the prevailing attitude toward education is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should learn a variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
Possible spelling mistake found.
todays
by emerging
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
sciences, we need more specialists that it results in a job-oriented education. In my viewpoint,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
professionals for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
jobs.

At
first
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
material
that is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is not necessary for special major and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
forget these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
they do not act well in these areas since they know they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it later.
Therefore
, they
The pronoun 'they' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "seem"
seems
waste their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at these classes.
For example
, Industrial engineering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
do not need to know about poem or literature. And when universities force them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
these courses,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
do not incline to have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
performance on the classes.

Consequently
, learning general
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
waste the students'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in which they could be more efficient.

As a second reason, learning material
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
tailor with job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
and universities should prepare their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
careers.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it is reasonable to teach them job-oriented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
. Hands-on education contributes to have experts for science- oriented job that are able to tackle with specific
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "subject".
subject matter
in which others do not have capability to solve it. Take a gain an industrial engineer as an example. He is specialist in his career and a mechanical engineer cannot replace with him in a factory or give special advice tailored to the problem related to industrial.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
should prepare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
job. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
put a great importance on students'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and devise a curriculum for their major that it does not waste
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. I
strongly
believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
a job-oriented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
instead
of general ones.
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IELTS essay schools should teach students about specific careers and jobs instead of general subjects

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
281 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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