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Schools should be accountable for poor achievements of students. How far do you agree with this opinion?

Schools should be accountable for poor achievements of students. How far do you agree with this opinion? 15k9q
It is a common thought that schools are responsible for poor performance of students. While i agree that students have poor achievements due to schools, i would also believe that students have to be responsible for their academic result. On the one hand, it is understandable why some people think that schools should be accountable for poor accomplishments of students. One reason is that, the school curriculum is not attractive enough to make students concentrate on lessons in class. This leads to student’s laziness and discouragement. It means that they would not pay much attention to lessons and do not have enough knowledge to complete their examinations well. Another reason is that teaching method has an important role to play in the academic result of students. Whether students is focused or not, it depends on the ways teachers convey lessons for them. For example, if a teacher do not teach students by enthusiastic and thoughtful way, students would know nothing about lessons, and they would fall behind with their studies and have a poor achievements. On the other hand, i would maintain that students are the main reasons why they have poor accomplishments. It is recognised that there are many entertainment equipments for students such as Smartphones, Laptops. For this reason, the majority of students tend to use devices with the Internet connection to play games or browse on social networks rather than learn, which makes them would no longer interested in studying in class and doing homeworks at home. As a result, school students could not keep up with the workload, and they might get poor learning results. In conclusion, while it is true that schools are the reasons why students have poor achievements because of school curriculum and teaching methods, it is also my belief that poor performance of students is the result of themselves.
It is a common
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are responsible for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
performance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. While
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
achievements due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
,
Did you mean "I"?
i
would
also
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be responsible for their academic result.

On the one hand, it is understandable why
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some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should be accountable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
accomplishments of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. One
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is that, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
curriculum is not attractive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
concentrate on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
. This leads to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student’s
laziness and discouragement. It means that they would not pay much attention to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
and do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
knowledge to complete their examinations well. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is that teaching method has an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role to play in the academic result of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. Whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
is focused
or not, it depends on the ways teachers convey
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
for them.
For example
, if a teacher do not teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
by enthusiastic and thoughtful way,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
would know nothing about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
, and they would fall behind with their studies and have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "achievement"?
achievements
.

On the other hand
,
Did you mean "I"?
i
would maintain that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
why they have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
accomplishments. It is
Possible spelling mistake. 'recognised' is British English.
recognised
that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
entertainment equipments for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
such as Smartphones, Laptops. For this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
, the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
devices with the Internet connection to play games or browse on social networks
rather
than learn, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them would no longer interested in studying in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
and doing
Possible spelling mistake found.
homeworks at
home.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
could not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
up with the workload, and they might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
learning results.

In conclusion
, while it is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
achievements
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
curriculum and teaching methods, it is
also
my belief that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
performance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
is the result of themselves.
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IELTS essay Schools should be accountable for poor achievements of students. How far do you agree with this opinion?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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